Humor Quotes · Page 253

“You usually can't go wrong if you state the obvious.”

— Glenn Andrews

Blonde is dumb comedy, red hair is smart, sexy comedy.

— Lisa Kudrow

I got locked into a tradition [at Cambridge] of doing comedy.

— Eric Idle

Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than dinner for two.

— Michael Lazarus

I'm a sarcastic person, and people don't get my humor sometimes.

— Sarah Hyland

If you want to see ulgly look in the mirrior

— Anonymous

The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri.

— Jerry Coleman

I consider myself an actor who is funny.

— Sean Hayes

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will…

— Rita Rudner

I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters.

— Jerry O'Connell

Upgrade to the better health insurance plan in case your suicide attempt doesn't go so well.

— Anonymous

“My main regret in life is that there is no MacArthur Fellowship awarded in the field of Panda Satire.”

— Anne Belov

Comedy will always be central to what I do, it's just an instinct for me, but I am a writer and always…

— Ben Elton

When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

— Anonymous

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

— Bob Saget

“Never dance in a puddle when there's a hole in your shoe (it's always best to take your shoes off first).”

— John D. Rhodes

The old idea that the joke was not good enough for the company has been superseded by the new aristocratic idea that…

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

Perhaps the difference between a professor and a bus driver is that the professor can say stupid things with complete authority while…

— Les Back

“One knows so well the popular idea of health: the English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full…

— Oscar Wilde

Women comedy is different than men comedy. Guy comedy is very aggressive, it's about insulting each other, name-calling, and kind of busting…

— Paul Feig

As writers, we're always trying to connect with the audience on a visceral level. We usually do that through drama, through emotion…

— Rockne S. O'Bannon

“We got distracted. Ty said I could come to the tasting." "Maddy—" "Please. He's going to put my wine in." David glanced…

— Nora Roberts

Humor is rare in science fiction... there's so little of it that it automatically reminds you of other heroes with that acerbic…

— John Scalzi

“The therapist, he thought, and it bothered him a lot more than it should have. After all, he had nothing permanent with…

— Jennifer Cruise Welcome to Temptation

“Like so many writers - I need to keep my butt in the chair.”

— Tina Gayle

There's a thin, blurry line between humor and tragedy.

— Christopher Paul Curtis

'Sightseers' started off as a character comedy double act.

— Alice Lowe

“Camp-keeping in the Delta was not all beer and skittles.”

— Aldo Leopold

“You read a book all the way through? Why?”

— Bart Simpson

“Stay safe. Stay alive. Stay unreanimated.”

— Dale Seslick

“I’ve got major skills and can definitely hold my own.”

— Robin Bielman

On my gravestone, I want it to say, "I told you I was sick."

— Tom Waits

Weak men are easily put out of humor. Oil freezes quicker than water.

— Berthold Auerbach

“I've been known to dual wield a time or two.”

— K.S. Daniels

We've always had a sense of humor - look at our name.

— Steve Lukather

I am a zizzer zazzer zuzz as you can plainly see.

— Dr Seuss

It is not Reaganesque to support a tax plan that is Clinton in nature.

— George W. Bush

“If you want God to laugh, make plans.”

— Jay Mohr

“Mat snorted. “I don’t want to be any bloody hero.”

— Robert Jordan

That's the quickest way to my heart: Laughter.

— Ryan Lochte