Humor Quotes · Page 251

“I was in no mood to negotiate with the Tampon Terrorist.”

— Helene Boudreau

I think that comedy is a great unifier.

— Randy Rainbow

“Why are we learning about the past, when this is History?”

— Galinda Glinda

Make us laugh and you can pick all pockets.

— Clemence Dane

I'm not into comedies that are joke-driven.

— Bobcat Goldthwait

Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.

— Angela Carter

“Look, I have a huge penis --Jake Wethers”

— Samantha Towle

I know a lot of funny people in a lot of funny places.

— Anonymous

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. Natalie Wood

— Natalie Wood

“Painted on shirts went over so well I thought, why not painted on pants? Well, the big shot manager at Krusty Burger…

— Matt Groening

“One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. (Face palm!)”

— George W. Bush

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but whoever looks at it when it has been in the house three days ?

— Anonymous

“You don’t know me.” “I know you’re not used to people telling you no.” “Never more than once.”

— Shawn Wickersheim

“Arthur lay in startled stillness on the acceleration couch. He wasn't certain whether he had just got space-sickness or religion.”

— Douglas Adams

“If anyone uses the words 'marvelous imagery' or 'narrative arc,' slap them for me.”

— Liane Moriarty

“When bad things happen, I know you want to believe they are a joke, But sometimes life is scary and dark. That…

— Adventure Time

I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He…

— Steven Wright

“The thing about patience, I mean real patience, is that it is most needed when there is something you really want to…

— Art Hochberg

“Late the fourth evening, Many Horses visited Maiden’s lodge. At first Loretta sensed that Hunter’s father was taking measure of her, and…

— Catherine Anderson

Performing a play or a musical or something is obviously an incredible rush, but I don't think you get that immediate response…

— Lolly Adefope

“James had been acting a little weird. After waking up yesterday, he'd been a little bit distant. It might just be the…

— Anne Tenino

“Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both…

— Douglas Adams

When something really affects you, it's hard to find the humor in it sometimes. There's are a lot of reasons why there…

— Sarah Cooper

“It didn't seem like Sergeant Doakes would give up before my conversion to a beer-bellied sofa ornament was complete, and I could…

— Jeff Lindsay

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.

— Angelina Jolie

There's always a message in my comedy.

— Paul Mooney

It takes time to develop a sense of humor, shared world views.

— Ben Affleck

I'm an atheist and I thank God for it.

— George Bernard Shaw

“Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.”

— Keith Caserta

“...and then I ripped his lungs out.”

— Anne Taintor

I used to do comedy during my theatre days, and I was good at that.

— Pankaj Tripathi

Behind every smile there's a story; a comedy or a tragedy.

— Anonymous

“Silver lining; if we die, I won't have to take the SATs in January”

— Delia Winters

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

— Rodney Dangerfield

People will admit to arson and mayhem sooner than no sense of humor.

— Peg Bracken

Comedy, we may say, is society protecting itself - with a smile.

— J. B. Priestley

I find comedy natural. I'm not saying I'm funny - I'm saying I'm silly.

— Harris Dickinson

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!

— Dr Seuss

I like to describe my stuff as observational comedy.

— Lilly Singh

People go, 'Oh, Trump must be good for comedy,' and I go, 'Ehhh.'

— Bobcat Goldthwait