Humor Quotes · Page 248

“It was like finding a long-lost brother who farts in the same key.”

— Dale McGowan

I like friends as I like music - when I am in the mood.

— Charlie Chaplin

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

— Rita Rudner

“These have to be the worst minions ever.”

— Susan Ee

There is nothing worse than annotated humour,

— Garry Trudeau

“Who put me there? WHO PUT ME THERE!”

— Loki Laufeyson

“Saints!" I swore. "I forgot how often I want to stab you.”

— Leigh Bardugo

Laughter is the best medicine of the heart

— Anonymous

I love inappropriate humour. What else are you going to do? You have to laugh.

— Bojana Novakovic

If a boy sweeps you off your feet, be careful because he's in the perfect position to drop you on your ass.

— Anonymous

The naive was only a part of my fairy tales; humour was the real salt in them.

— Hans Christian Andersen

“Death devours not only those who have been cooked by old age; it also feasts on those who are half-cooked and even…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

— Henny Youngman

If I'm in a town for very long, usually I'll work out in the comedy club just to keep my chops or…

— Ron White

“A nonhot boy stares at you and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot…

— John Green

I'm funny at home too, but not deliberately. My wife is usually laughing at me rather than with me.

— Daniel Dae Kim

“Mia: I was sixteen when I first realized my mom was more concerned about my appearance than I was… I’ll be talking…

— Claire/Mia Fontaine

I think American guys tend to be a bit more forward, a bit more chatty and open than the Brits. The Brits…

— Hayley Atwell

I certainly know guys in comedy, I know some actors, and I definitely know some musicians, who have survived to a certain…

— Denis Leary

I think comedy directors tend to feel a need to justify the bad behavior, and I just never think that. I like…

— Todd Phillips

Gintoki: Listen, I don’t care what you guys do around the universe. This is my sword, and anywhere it can reach is…

— Hideaki Sorachi

“Maybe it was easier if you knew your child was dead. It was a thought that stopped him in his tracks sometimes…

— Nicole Trope

“Okay, on my first night, he tried to chat me up. You know how the story goes. ‘You have the most beautiful…

— Kyra Lennon

“Every host in Hollywood has made that mistake: “Let’s invite some comedy writers to the party! That’ll brighten things up.” Sure… till…

— Robert McKee

I'm not going to give up the shock part of my comedy.

— Sam Kinison

“Women, can't live with them, can't murder/suicide without them”

— Josh Stern

'I will not stand for being called a woman in my own house' she said.

— Evelyn Waugh

“...we're waiting until we can drink legally before we add in another.”

— Toni Aleo

Australians are geniuses with a good sense of humour.

— Fred Schneider

“One must love a cat on its own terms.”

— Paul Gray

The malicious sneer is improperly called laughter.

— Oliver Goldsmith

It's a young man's game - standup comedy.

— Bradley Walsh

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.

— Max Eastman

“When it comes to languages, I'm passably fluent in HTML.”

— Bernie Su

I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.

— Jim Gaffigan

“WARNING: DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS PAGE!”

— Pseudonymous Bosch

“Humor. The just-nearly-died brand of giddy humor.”

— Katherine Applegate

Comedy. I think that's something I'd really like to do.

— David R. Ellis

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

— Steve Martin

Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.

— Stephen Colbert