Humor Quotes · Page 215

“The wise man see's the fool & laughs, yet the fool never know why.”

— Jovie Sumner

People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader.

— Steven Seagal

“Women need a reason to have sex; men need only a place.”

— Nelson DeMille

“Lend me your ears and you can borrow my mind”

— Benny Bellamacina

Comedy doesn't always have to come from a dark place.

— Craig Kilborn

I love comedy. I don't think there's enough comedy on stage.

— Daniel Kaluuya

A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.

— Mark Twain

“The secret of life lies in laughter and humility.”

— G.K. Chesterton

People: I love it when my boyfriend tells me how much he loves me. Me: I love it when my microwave tells…

— Varsha Sharma

Comedy, I imagine, is harder to do consistently than tragedy, but I like it spiced in the wine of sadness.

— Bernard Malamud

“I was thinking..." "We know," Pedro said, "It was like sitting next to a pressure cooker”

— Davis Bunn

Sex is pretty funny, let's face it. And the more seriously we take ourselves, the funnier sex gets, I think.

— Betty White

“Who made you eat bitch for lunch? Who poured you a tall bitch beer float? Who sprinkled bacon bitch on your salad?”

— A. S. King

My portrayal of Fagin was all to do with my experience in comedy and revue.

— Ron Moody

If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.

— Dave Barry

I don't see myself as part of an acting fraternity or a comedy fraternity.

— Ricky Gervais

“Hmmm,' the King said, making a face. 'I'm not sure this is what we bargained for, boy. We expected the girl to…

— Danielle L. Jensen

“My instincts told me that death would somehow be…different. But my rational mind reminded me that I had probably tempted fate one…

— M.A. George

“Why had Althea's crazed words affected Etta like this? Then the answer came to him: she was pregnant. Women always behaved strangely…

— Robin Hobb

Guns, double-crosses, hitmen... I can get used to a lot of things, but I'm never going to get used to sleeping where…

— Anonymous

“It seems kind of light for a dozen books. I think it's probably that unnatural number of Jason Statham DVDs you ordered."…

— Molly Harper

Cancer is probably the most unfunny thing in the world, but I'm a comedian, and even cancer couldn't stop me from seeing…

— Gilda Radner

“Humor today goes hand in hand with our rationality, and not just rationality in the sense of cognitive sophistication, but also in…

— John Morreall

My father had a great sense of humor. He wasn't only the Man in Black. He said it himself in the song…

— John Carter Cash

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

— Larry David

The moment seemed endless, but it was probably only half that.

— Steve Toltz

What doesn't kill you makes you smaller

— Mario

“Vampires have credit cards?" "We're undead, not Amish.”

— Jennifer Colgan

“I shan't make a fuss over the babe's father.”

— Mary E. Pearson

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

— Jerry Seinfeld

“There is no animal more invincible than a woman,”

— Loretta Chase

“Don't worry about it; only worry about how people like her breed.”

— Gasmaskman

“I am not going to pretend to write a love letter to another man.”

— Julianne Donaldson

“Beth from accounting is just sitting in her car eating spaghetti.”

— Ryan Mecum

Humor is like a frog; if you dissect it, it dies.

— Mark Twain

“Grace sat down where the chair wasn't.”

— Ellen Raskin

Humor is an amazing way to talk people down off a ledge.

— Joe Elliott

My comedy is like emotional hang-gliding.

— Robin Williams

People who can’t see without glasses should wear them.

— Malcolm Forbes

Even the most tragic moments can have moments of comedy.

— Emily Meade