Humor Quotes · Page 200

“This is the best bad plan we have, sir.”

— chris terrio

“Hey, lay off the dairy. And uh, no more happiness.”

— Brian Regan

“Queequeg was George Washington cannibalistically developed.”

— Herman Melville

“I closed my eyes, bowed my head and thought, AH, HELL . . .”

— P.C. Cast

It should be illegal to be this funny and single

— Anonymous

I'm always trying to do anything between comedy and horror.

— Julian Barratt

“Pizza tastes as good as being skinny feels.”

— Lauren Leto

It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!

— Daniel Tosh

“You know that Kate called Walter a heartless bastard?" "And an asshole. I am quite proud.”

— Aimee Carter

Whenever I'm stuck in traffic, I can't help but wonder, 'Where did the creator of The Jetsons go, and why hasn't he…

— Jimmy Fallon

I am tired of doing stupid comedies. Though comedy has given me the breakthrough in the industry, I constantly feel the need…

— Paresh Rawal

“Before I could turn to look up, a voice boomed from the heavens: "What the heck is going on down there?”

— Kat Falls

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's…

— Bill Burr

If it wasn't for my grandpa, I'd have absolutely no sense of humor and I never would have gotten my start in…

— Matt Rife

“Is it white wine? Red tastes like vinegar.' 'Of course it's white wine, I'm Japanese.”

— Natasha Pulley

The comedy and character interaction on 'Atlantis' is what makes it so different from most science fiction shows.

— David Hewlett

“What had happened to the old Jack Grammar, the one who would have flubbed it somehow? Well, I reasoned: I could still…

— Alex Bradley

I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call…

— Mitch Hedberg

About half the scripts sent to me feature characters I just can't identify with, particularly one-dimensional businessmen or, if it's a comedy,…

— Ken Watanabe

Once you capitulate to one dictator, does that mean that the next dictator or the next terrorist that says you're not going…

— Ed Royce

“Enjoy your Evening." "That will depend on the menu. If it's beef, it will be a tolerable meal. If it's chicken..." Elliot…

— Anne Bishop

My mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either yes or help. Poseidon took it as a yes and came…

— Anonymous

“It looks good on you." "Huh?" "The uncontrolled laughter. It looks good. Even if I'm the butt of your joke. And for…

— Shannyn Schroeder

“The Boogeyman,' he said, just to be sure. 'The Boogeyman killed an employee of the President of the United States.' The president…

— Christopher Farnsworth

A farce, or slapstick humor, does well universally.

— John Ratzenberger

I've always liked outrageous comedy and pushing the envelope.

— Tom Green

“Fame must be like being a candy in a child factory!”

— Geoffroy Birtz

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

— George Lopez

If a guy doesn't like a funny girl, something is wrong with him.

— Bill Hader

“We all make mistakes. That's why my pencil has an eraser.”

— Chris Grabenstein

I wanted to do something in the style of a comedy of manners.

— Amy Heckerling

“Say it, woman." "It. Woman." "God, you're a pain.”

— Kristan Higgins

I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".

— Steven Wright

“True love's okay but a series of false loves gives you more variety.”

— Anonymous

I did sketch comedy for years. I've always enjoyed it.

— Jamie Farr

My humor was Victorian - and still is.

— Mort Sahl

“A volte il fumo è meglio dell'arrosto”

— Freak Antoni

“this isn't so much romance as it is opportunity [victor mancini]”

— Chuck Palahniuk

“A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement”

— Jess C Scott

“Love and hate when stretched to their extremes blind reasoning.”

— Janvier Chouteu-Chando