“Into each life a little rain must fall, but in my case, does it always have to be a hailstorm?” — Loreen Finn Copy Share Image
She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder… — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
“Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning” — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
I find intelligence sexy. I find a sense of humor sexy. I find sensitivity sexy. — Nicole Appleton Copy Share Image
What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy as electro shock therapy. — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
I always say to Blake Griffin that he has a better comedy career than I do. — Neal Brennan Copy Share Image
I'd have more money than Bill Gates if I could invent a snooze button for bladders. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
“The psychopaths are always around. In calm times we study them, but in times of upheaval, they rule over us.” — Ernst Kretschmer Copy Share Image
“Bett didn't have any siblings because she said her father had preserved what was dead for too long to be able to… — Rebecca Rasmussen Copy Share Image
George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
“Ok kiddo, turn off the Xbox and lets get some grub." "Awww Mom!" "Don't you awww Mom me. You need to eat… — Nicole Hamlett Copy Share Image
“What does a freelance researcher do?” “Researches things.” He winks at me and helps lift my bike onto a cobblestone walkway. “It’s… — Caroline George Copy Share Image
“Whatever else the Florida primary might or might not have proved, it put a definite kink in the Media Theory of politics.… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the history of comedy, or listening to the… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
“The rear door was black, the driver's side door was red, and the hood was sunshine-yellow. If Henry Ford and Picasso had… — Kathleen O'Reilly Copy Share Image
“You see, the only thing the good people are good at is overthrowing the bad people. And you're good at that, I'll… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
