Humor Quotes · Page 171

“Jesus was a good guy, he didn't need this shit.”

— John Prine

“Amber, I can't handle twelve cats.”

— Perry Elisabeth Kirkpatrick

It's a fine night to have an evening.

— Steven Wright

“All I wanted was humor and wisdom.”

— Anaïs Nin

I believe comedy is something that's gifted to people.

— Sunil Grover

“I put the bra in brand, and I top it!”

— Natalya Vorobyova

“Charter boats are like books with no covers.”

— Tania Aebi

If I feel you're funny, I want to work with you.

— Danielle Schneider

“I always tried to write a story in such a manner that I wouldn't mind buying it myself.”

— Carl Barks

“Mama has such cleverly timed headaches I wonder if she has any at all.”

— A.E. Moseley

I once said, 'Steve Jobs is the American Xavier Niel,' but that was humour.

— Xavier Niel

“Scratch your flesh raw between your toes, but you won't find the answer.”

— Franz Kafka

“I hate being a teenager." "Why?" "Hormones." With a sad half smile, he left.”

— Jodi Meadows

“If people would read more of these humor books, they wouldn’t need all those self-improvement books!”

— Susan C. Young

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

— Steven Wright

Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to…

— Rashida Jones

“I was about to rush out the door when I realized that I’d be stealing his clothes. Frantically thinking of some quick…

— Priscilla West

I think I'll always be linked to comedy. There is something about it that's such a beautiful thing. The world of drama…

— Doc Brown

“...loading your brain with subliminal messages… How loathsome to turn a sadistic murder into entertainment [in the newspaper] -- and yet how…

— Mary Gaitskill

“When I am working with groups of thirty or fewer people, there is a powerful name exercise that I do to break…

— Susan C. Young

I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a…

— Walt Disney

“I eat out of stress," she told Robbie, and now, between work and her nephews driving her crazy, she was just on…

— Fannie Flagg

For me, whenever I would see a lot of 'black films,' I didn't feel represented in it. I didn't feel connected to…

— Zoe Kravitz

“[after Bram bit Nora at her request] It hit me then that she wasn't half as disgusted as she should be. '[Nora,…

— Lia Habel

“What Grimm fairy tale featured apiarian morphing humans?”

— Solange nicole

“you know What,Every one living for making History so am I.”

— Nikhil

“The quickest way to the top, is getting off your bottom”

— Benny Bellamacina

“Maybe she'll let me start wearing my Superman boxers again.”

— Ruth Cardello

“Love of sugar had to mean true love. It just had to.”

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

— Henny Youngman

Melancholy men are of all others the most witty.

— Aristotle

I understand small business growth. I was one.

— George W. Bush

I want to make comedy that my mom will hate.

— Patti Harrison

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

— Steven Wright

“Maturity is that you should know when and where to be immature”

— Milind Tembhurne

“Let's face it -- if I could scrap in a full-length bodysuit, I would.”

— Lain Ehmann

I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.

— Oliver Herford

The world is a tragedy 2 dose who feel, but a comedy 2 dose who think…

— Anonymous

I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open

— Jim Norton

“There's nothing scarier than female unity.”

— Yokou Maki