Humor Quotes · Page 148

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

— Chris Rock

It's funny cause, you think you're the shit. You're not. You're shit.

— Anonymous

“if at first you don't wake up try, try again...”

— Jayce O'Neal

He who would go viral must first show himself virulent.

— John Alejandro King

“I do twenty jumping jacks a day. Well, half of that. I just clap.”

— Martha Bolton

I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.

— Jerry Coleman

“We all know a fool when we see one - but not when we are one.”

— Arnold H. Glasow

I always really loved comedy. It's the only thing I was ever good at.

— Ali Wong

Purpose and laughter are the twins that must not separate. Each is empty without the other.

— Robert K. Greenleaf

“The van stank of cabbage and cornered like a drunken elephant. It would do.”

— Kate Griffin

“We must have been very very bad in our last lives, cos karma's busy making macramé with us.”

— Poppet

It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.

— Chris Rock

“Jake fried up the fish, cooked rice with garlic, cilantro and green onions. Someday he was going to make some woman a…

— Josh Lanyon

“Laughing at your pettiness probably works better than scolding yourself for it.”

— Sharon Salzberg

“Milord, Knight in Shining Armor, methinks thou hast a present in thy chamber.”

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

... life is a comedy far darker than drama. It just takes time to learn what to smile at.

— Robin Morgan

There's no ironic appreciation of things we love, even of things that are in fact ridiculous, which a hipster might take and…

— Chris Hardwick

“Parental looks rely a lot on brow positioning. Whereas the Dad Look involves the lowering of the brow as a whole, the…

— Susan Bischoff

It's so funny because, here in Hollywood, an actor who really is versatile and who has the ability to transform between comedy…

— Rocky Carroll

I never pursued anything in terms of performing comedy until I was in my twenties. I was basically forced into it by…

— Janet Varney

“In his dream, George Stetchkin was in the dock at the Central Criminal Court, accused of the murder of nine million innocent…

— Tom Holt

Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some…

— Doug Benson

The thing that still exists is that if it's at all possible for me to step outside the club after the show,…

— Doug Benson

I like to make people laugh, and I definitely think laughter is healing. It's one of my favorite thing to do, so…

— Kelly Stables

“Hey, if you want something done right, don't ask me.”

— Si Robertson

“I like your opera - I think I will set it to music”

— Ludwig van Beethoven

“S-U-C-I-D-E Do You want to end everything with only six alphabets?”

— Laksh Kishore

“Mi locura es sagrada, no la toquen.”

— Salvador Dalí

“Great idea," I said. "Call the police. Call the fucking police.”

— Ava Gardner

“The verse is supposed to get you hard so the chorus can suck you off.”

— M. Thomas Gammarino

The law often permits what honor prohibits.

— Bernard-Joseph Saurin

You're so old, you remember when it was Preparation-A

— Glenn Huskey

I never sort of thought of myself as a comedy writer, by nature.

— Lena Dunham

I love comedy, but I did always consider myself a dramatic comedian.

— Molly Shannon

“The problem with all politicians is that they are human.”

— Steven Ivy - Attorney Entrepreneur

“My type? What, a female between eighteen and sixty?”

— Caspar Vega

I love comedy and I'll never give it up.

— Suraj Venjaramood

You may be witty, but not satirical.

— Horace Greeley

I've done the Hoboken Comedy Festival. It's cool.

— Andrew Schulz

Comedy is an art which is extremely difficult to deliver.

— Johnny Lever