All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“ Egotist , n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.” — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“ Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.” — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“ Grammar, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet of the self-made man, along the path by which he… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MINSTREL, adj. Formerly a poet, singer or musician; now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a humor more… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“ Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.” — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably out… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
NOSE, n. The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
SHERIFF, n. In America the chief executive office of a country, whose most characteristic duties, in some of the Western and Southern… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
JESTER, n. An officer formerly attached to a king's household, whose business it was to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
