Life Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.

— Ambrose Bierce

MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

— Ambrose Bierce

Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

— Ambrose Bierce

“Phonograph - An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.”

— Ambrose Bierce

ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .

— Ambrose Bierce

PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and…

— Ambrose Bierce

Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

— Ambrose Bierce

NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

— Ambrose Bierce

Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer…

— Ambrose Bierce

ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.

— Ambrose Bierce

TAIL, n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a…

— Ambrose Bierce

FOLLY, n. That "gift and faculty divine" whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man's mind, guides his actions and adorns his life.

— Ambrose Bierce

PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation…

— Ambrose Bierce

CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering.…

— Ambrose Bierce

UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the…

— Ambrose Bierce

“Cartesian,adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, Cogito ergo sum- whereby he was pleased to suppose he…

— Ambrose Bierce

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.…

— Ambrose Bierce

SIREN, n. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave.…

— Ambrose Bierce

Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I…

— Ambrose Bierce

DUEL, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed…

— Ambrose Bierce

INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living…

— Ambrose Bierce

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the…

— Ambrose Bierce

TAIL, n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a…

— Ambrose Bierce

“His act was rather that of a harmless lunatic than an enemy. We were not so new to the country as not…

— Ambrose Bierce

DULLARD, n. A member of the reigning dynasty in letters and life. The Dullards came in with Adam, and being both numerous…

— Ambrose Bierce

To those who view the voyage of life from the port of departure the bark that has accomplished any considerable distance appears…

— Ambrose Bierce

DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.

— Ambrose Bierce

OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no…

— Ambrose Bierce

Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days…

— Ambrose Bierce

EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,/ Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:/ From which we're wakened by a friendly…

— Ambrose Bierce

YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor…

— Ambrose Bierce

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

— Ambrose Bierce

LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it…

— Ambrose Bierce

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the…

— Ambrose Bierce

Age: that period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we no…

— Ambrose Bierce

ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in…

— Ambrose Bierce

Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

— Ambrose Bierce

WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.

— Ambrose Bierce

CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch…

— Ambrose Bierce

RACK, n. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a…

— Ambrose Bierce