You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on TV. And you go, 'How great is my life? I'm so happy right now.' — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you... 'Real Housewives of Atlanta,' for demonstrating a universal truth: Idiots like me will always watch idiots like you fight on TV. You will forever be in my TiVo. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question:… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like 'Feel the Bern.' They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
