“Elf-dog," hissed Gimlet, retrieving his beard. "Pig of a dwarf," suggested Legolam. "Toymaker." "Gold-digger.” — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“It suddenly occurred to me that, after all that frolicking in the meadows, he hadn't kissed me. Was it because of the mold that… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“Allow me," said the elf, proffering Gimlet's beard to Frito, who was now sneezing uncontrollably.” — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“As soon as we were inside, Edwart's family rushed to greet me. What seemed like thirty people circled me, chattering away. "Oh my god,… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“I want to leave all my friends and the sunlight for a small, rainy town.” — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“So all this time you thought I was a vampire? ' Edwart whispered furiously, pulling me a few inches to the left. 'Sure,' I… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“Nice piano," I said. "Do you play?" "oh no, but Edwart does!" Eva Mullen said. "A little," Edwart said sheepishly. "Go ahead, play!" Eva… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“Quick, I told myself. Try to remember what you learned from Jimbo's Self Defence for Young Ladies. Jimbo was a beefy man with prison… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“Elf-dog," hissed Gimlet, retrieving his beard. "Pig of a dwarf," suggested Legolam. "Toymaker." "Gold-digger.” — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“Listen' he whispered ferociously, like a ferocious breeze or a very gentle hurricane.” — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“I balked. Another vampire? I guess it made sense; the states of the Pacific Northwest were known for their lenient monster laws.” — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire.” — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“How about we walk back? Through the cemetery ?' One thing my mom had taught me is that it's difficult to refuse requests made… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“You should have seen the costumes for the last few prom themes: Pimps and their srteet ho's; CEOs and their office ho's; GI Joes… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“After dinner, Edwart took me upstairs to see his room. At the top of the stairs was a giant wooden cross. "Ironic, huh?" Edwart… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
