Delivery k baad bachche ki mutthi band thi, Muthi khol k dekha gaya to usme iPill ka tablet tha or hath me… — Sadie Copy Share Image
That is simply the most beautiful publishing office in the world, with that cranky old building in that wonderful park. — Jim Harrison Copy Share Image
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I lost over 100 pounds, so I'm even angrier than ever. I don't stuff my feelings anymore with food. Skinny girls are funny. — Lisa Lampanelli Copy Share Image
When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“The poorly sophisticated, since many of us are, as presumed to be, lacking in good arguments, we are then prone to being… — Criss Jami Copy Share Image
“You really think love needs to have a future?” “Absolutely.” “Good,” Lily said. “So do I.” “Good,” I echoed, leaning in. “So… — David Levithan Copy Share Image
Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash,… — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
Is there any indication we shouldn't be depressed - are you living on the same planet that I am? Do you ever… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
“You know Quinn?" Macaulay asked me. "Ten minutes ago I was putting him to bed." Macaulay grinned. "I hope you keep his… — Dashiell Hammett Copy Share Image
Stories in families are colossally important. Every family has stories: some funny, some proud, some embarrassing, some shameful. Knowing them is proof… — Salman Rushdie Copy Share Image
“Ren took off his jacket, which slicited a squeak from Jennifer who was now totally focused on Ren's golden-bronze biceps. His perfectly… — Colleen Houck Copy Share Image
Long before I started to write in earnest, Lorrie Moore taught me you could have a woman narrator who was funny and… — Miranda July Copy Share Image
If the writing is good, then the writing is already funny. All you have to do is make this funny writing true… — Constance Wu Copy Share Image
I really related to Ellen more than anybody. I loved the way she had a way of taking small details in life… — Deon Cole Copy Share Image
YAY! I Get to Dye My hair Purple! My Dad Said YES! *Finally lol* I Knew he would lol Want me to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The people I grew up around who I really liked were quick on the draw. It always just wowed me. And my… — Drew Barrymore Copy Share Image
“Adam's response was buried in the sound of the first-story door falling open. Noah slouched in. In a wounded tone, he said,… — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You think you’re a pretty funny guy, don’t you?” “Well, I don’t want to brag…” “You know what’s really funny?” Geryon asks,… — Dark Calling Copy Share Image
“Zane raised his brow. “Didn’t I say that yesterday?” he asked, forcing himself to be patient. Somehow. “You say that like you… — Abigail Roux & Madeleine Urban Copy Share Image
When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said ' you… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
“Sometimes "i" just like to talk to "myself". well , to see if i'm okay, turns out we "both" have the same problem.” — Mohieddine Cheouichi Copy Share Image
“Silas says go into that store and ask for a hotdog. When they tell you they don’t have hotdogs, stomp your foot… — Colleen Hoover Copy Share Image
So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
The fact that poetry is not of the slightest economic or political importance, that is has no attachment to any of the… — Graham Hough Copy Share Image
Every dog should have a man of his own. There is nothing like a well-behaved person around the house to spread the… — Corey Ford Copy Share Image
The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
Many Americans today, just as they did 200 years ago, feel burdened, stifled, and sometimes even oppressed by government that has grown… — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
“Would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here, High Lord?" "Ah. The Suriel told you nothing important, did… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
A little boy waz seated in Taxi eating Chocolate, He took another & another then the man next 2 him said, Do… — Mars Mavis Paul John Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, start smiling like an idiot,, everyone stares at you wondering why you're smiling xU… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't call me if you're gonna talk to your cousin, mama, daddy, little sister, best friend, neighbor, dog, grandma etc in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
TV is easier: it's all planned out for you and the audience is there to see a show and they are all… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
“Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday's code.” — Dan Salomon Copy Share Image
The great thing about glow-in-the-dark condoms is that if you get up in the middle of the night to raid the fridge,you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Strange, that some people are still alive after the breakup, knowing that they used to say 'I'd die without you.' To their… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
