“I trust you all slept well,” I said, deliberately keeping my tone light. I returned Malich’s glare with a tight-lipped grin. “Yes,… — Mary E. Pearson Copy Share Image
I watch stuff from all around the world. We all grow up watching American TV, so the idea that I might have… — Roisin Conaty Copy Share Image
“Okey." Charming leaned back and rocked the chair on two legs. "Let's asses the situation. We've got a fourteen-fot green-spiked dragon, male,… — John Moore Copy Share Image
The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Dil ka dard dil torrne waley kiya jaaney, Pyar ke rivajon ko zamana kiya jaaney, Hoti hai kitni takleef larrki ko pataney… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I want someone that's caring, funny, who's similar to me - who doesn't take life too seriously - keeps their private life… — Maura Higgins Copy Share Image
It's funny, I often think about how, if we were all placed in an apocalyptic situation, you'd realize quickly how stupid, petty… — Alycia Debnam-Carey Copy Share Image
“Well, remember, active Grims can't have children. Fertility is adversley affected by the proximity to the ether, to Elixir, and all sorts… — Gina Damico Copy Share Image
I find it amusing that I'm on the Internet now, because I've criticized it, but mainly I've criticized it on the basis… — Ray Bradbury Copy Share Image
“Cole steps forward, his fingers reaching around my shoulders, and kisses me. It is sudden and smooth and soft as air against… — Victoria Schwab Copy Share Image
“Offstage, I couldn't put things into words, and that was the one thing I'd always been able to rely on. Putting my… — Carrie Fisher Copy Share Image
I'm here to be a martial artist and show people that I think there's a better way of life and a happier… — Jon Fitch Copy Share Image
Because I know that time is always time and place is always place and only place. And what is actual is actual… — T. S. Eliot Copy Share Image
“She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her,… — Cassandra Rose Clarke Copy Share Image
In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you love it when people in school are like, “I'm a bad test taker”? You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Now when I see something beautiful or funny or sweet, sometimes I reach for my camera, but other times I think, 'I… — Leelee Sobieski Copy Share Image
If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
“... an artist should paint from the heart, and not always what people expect. Predictability often leads to the dullest work, in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Well, when you're playing good football, it's good football and if you don't have good football, then you're not really playing good… — John Madden Copy Share Image
“So if he'd been a plumber, ___ _____ would've been about toilets?" Left blank to avoid spoilers but this is just too funny :)” — Jeri Smith-Ready Copy Share Image
“I let go of our invisibility and do something I haven't done in a while: I reach for the doorknob. ~Willow Mosby,… — Courtney Nuckels Copy Share Image
“I shouldn't have lost my temper that way. It just pricks his pride, makes him dig in his heels." "So why did… — Leigh Bardugo Copy Share Image
Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Everyone who has ever met me for at least five minutes knows I'm a really funny person. I love to laugh and… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
It's funny that some of the people who complain the most about intelligence being politicized are the ones politicizing the intelligence. — John Ratcliffe Copy Share Image
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
“I love your car.” I tell him as he starts the engine. “Thanks. I do too.” He says steering the car to… — Jannat Bhat Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you're actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you're lying. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I did a standup show called 'Show Me the Funny,' so from that I got some TV stuff and people would book… — Ellie Taylor Copy Share Image
Let nothing of the truths that have been defined be lessened, nothing altered, nothing added, but let them be preserved intact in… — Pope Gregory XVI Copy Share Image
At first I thought that I was extremely intelligent and everybody around me was only very average. But now I know that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The funny story was that I actually quite fancied David's best friend Jerome first, and then Jerome let me down easy that… — Monica Galetti Copy Share Image
We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I grew up with a lot of really, really funny girls. We were encouraged to be funny. Our parents didn't filter us.… — Chloe Fineman Copy Share Image
“If you hadn't stolen my bride away in the night, Rhysand, I would not have been forced to take such drastic measures… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
