The girls we want are so hard to get, but the ones we don't want are so hard to get rid of. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I finally concluded that all failure was from a wobbling will rather than a wobbling wheel. — Frances E. Willard Copy Share Image
No man leaves where he is and seeks a distant place unless he is in some respect a failure. — James A. Michener Copy Share Image
My dad had a great sense of humor; he was a very funny guy and did know how to laugh. — Mary L. Trump Copy Share Image
I predict Obama will get an early lead, then all the Republicans will get off of work. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When the powerful horses went out, they were straining to go throughout the earth. And he said, "Go throughout the earth!" So… — Zechariah 6:7 Copy Share Image
God made whiskey, god made pepsi, god made me so sexy! god made rivers, god made lakes, god made u….well we all… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
It's funny to see a film in Spain with a lot of violence because we don't have a lot of violence. Well,… — Javier Camara Copy Share Image
Nothing can duplicate the sheer power and feeling you get from standing in front of your amp and bashing on your guitar. — James Hetfield Copy Share Image
Part of my defence mechanism is humour, so sometimes when I'm being funny, it's just as a way of stopping people from… — Simon Amstell Copy Share Image
I can not live without you! I amincomplete without you I will love you forever! Alright, so I just told you! So… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
Laughter is wine for the soul - laughter soft, or loud and deep, tinged through with seriousness - the hilarious declaration made… — Sean O'Casey Copy Share Image
“I suppose when you say you slept with him, it was more than just a nap?" Lillian shot her a withering glance.… — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
I am interested only in the unknown and I work for my own astonishment. — Roberto Matta Copy Share Image
I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I nor the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom. — Julia Louis-Dreyfus Copy Share Image
No, officer I'm not drunk! The reason I'm walking like this is because I'm avoiding snipers. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.” — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
There was a time when you were not. There never will be a time when you will not be. — Adrian Rogers Copy Share Image
It's in our own lives, every single day, whether we recognize it as funny at the moment or not. — Sean Astin Copy Share Image
If the knocking at the door is loud and long, it is not opportunity, it is your relatives. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Friends feel rude when they go in your cupboards; best friends don't even ask! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“So you thought you could shit and eat at the same time. How disgustingly convenient.” — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
It is not our comment on the Word that saves, but the Word itself. — Robert Murray M'Cheyne Copy Share Image
Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. — Bob Thaves Copy Share Image
People naturally want to retweet and engage on super funny videos and memes. — Jake Paul Copy Share Image
Sabbath is not simply the pause that refreshes. It is the pause that transforms. — Walter Brueggemann Copy Share Image
This time of year is tough on many people. Help'em out by shouting SHUT UP as often as possible. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. — Joe Rogan Copy Share Image
True success is what you have done compared to what you could have done. — Myles Munroe Copy Share Image
A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is, I've died so many times. — Billy Corgan Copy Share Image
Person: YOU GET ON MY F*CKING NERVES! Me: So you're gonna caps-lock me to death? — Psyche_Zeroh Copy Share Image
People think I am funny all the time. But I am not. I am serious, too. Also, I enjoy serious, dramatic films. — Kapil Sharma Copy Share Image
“How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?” — Madi Brown Copy Share Image
