Funny Quotes · Page 803

Out of my greatest dispair, was to come my greatest gift.

— Rhonda Byrne

“This is Sailor Supergirl,” George says. “She knows all about black holes.”

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

“Extroverts communicate well with others, Introverts communicate well with themselves”

— pablo

It's funny: I don't know if she babysat, but I spent time with Judy Blume when I was little.

— David Grann

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

— Jack Whitehall

England E- every n-nice g-guy's l-lips a-are n-never d-dry

— Sweetner

Getting a blowjob with a condom on is like leaving your underwear on while taking a shit!

— Green Monk

We don't have to ask for our privacy, we can take it back

— Edward Snowden

For a culture that has such a problem with death, we seem to deal with it in a quite bizarre way. We…

— Michael Sheen

“Poppy, you wound me. In my heart,' he said, placing his hand over his chest. 'Again.' 'Don't whine. You'll heal. Again,' I…

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

The funny thing is that I'm the girl who no one sees at the beach. Ask anyone who's traveled with me. Normally,…

— Vera Wang

“Wiping the rivulet of sweat running down my ear with the bottom of my muscle shirt, I snuck a sniff under my…

— Julie Anne Peters

Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange…

— A Josland

I don't necessarily like wearing lipstick; I just think it's funny to do. I think the darker the better, but it's whatever…

— Mac DeMarco

“Back in my State, I'm very close to being able to control the weather. I'll be all-powerful, once I've figured that out.”

— Brandon Sanderson

A cultural thing that is funny to me is that every time I go out in D.C. after a show, all the…

— Maz Jobrani

Does anyone actually know what to do when people are singing happy birthday to you?

— Celeste Hartman

I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

— Nikhil Saluja

The best feeling is watching a real football game, because the games they show in the movies aren't real.

— John Madden

Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

— Spike Milligan

Stevie Wonder always smells so good... I'm like a DEA dog, I can smell people a block away!

— Gloria Estefan

Is she hot?- A guy's reply to any story that starts with This girl I know..

— Anonymous

If you don't go to highschool you will definately go to jail.

— Gerard Way

Congratulations on not making enough money to be considered for layoffs.

— Anonymous

In Jesus, the service of God and the service of the least of the brethren were one.

— Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I tried several things and this was the only one I enjoyed doing.

— Keith Moon

It's not for me to share the meanings of others. I am only in charge of my own.

— Paul Cornell

Thanks for helping me learn from your mistakes with men.

— Anonymous

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.

— Si Robertson

“I look like a biker slut from hell meets soldier of fortune pinup.”

— Laurell K. Hamilton

Oh I do believe In all the things you see What comes is better Than what came before

— Cat Power

It's funny, because athletes want to be rockers and vice versa.

— Matt Willig

If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

— Green Monk

I don't see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It's not there.

— Bill Cosby

Never underwstimate a girl's ability to buy new clothes :P

— Sachithra

A religion that doesn't discriminate wouldn't exist, because it wouldn't stand for anything.

— Janet Parshall

You'll never know a person's true strength until you try to steal their blanket in the middle of the night.

— Anurag Prakash Ray

Behind every great woman, there is a guy looking at her ass.

— Obey Terell x

He's started anticipating what's going to happen before it's even happened.

— Graeme Le Saux

History repeats itself, the first as tragedy, then as farce.

— Karl Marx