A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“You named the chicken, Chicken?" She looked embarrassed. "When we decided not to kill it, I got attached.” — Tracey Garvis-Graves Copy Share Image
There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age. — Benjamin Spock Copy Share Image
They say sweat is fat crying, Boy please you cry more that you sweat during workouts — CJ Copy Share Image
“You know what’s not funny? Funny bones. No, at best they are only mildly amusing.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I glared at Christian as the blood smeared around. “You could have at least licked it.” He smirked darkly. “I hear that… — Dannika Dark Copy Share Image
Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black… — Stevie Wonder Copy Share Image
This nation has never lived without independence. We cannot and shall not live without it. Either independence or death. — Mustafa Kemal Ataturk Copy Share Image
People think it's funny that I enjoy dreaming so much. I just use it as a form of entertainment. It's very private.… — Robert Smith Copy Share Image
Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
“We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a… — Kevin Meaney Copy Share Image
In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves. — Bill Shankly Copy Share Image
Whatever I thought right, to others seemed wrong; what I held to be bad, others approved of. — Richard Wagner Copy Share Image
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
Elegant is not what you wear, and it's not about how you wear it, but it's more about who you are. — Alber Elbaz Copy Share Image
There will be good days and bad, which means that some days I may be cranky and some days really cranky! — Peter Jennings Copy Share Image
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
History always tells a story... That's why you must always clear it before your dad uses the computer! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know you're best friends when you're in the bathroom arguing over who gets the big stall. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“FOR NO REASON but to irritate me, we get a heat wave in December.” — Kathryn Stockett Copy Share Image
I would like to be on the list of suspects during your next pregnancy scare. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know? — Barry Cryer Copy Share Image
Valentine's Day is only three weeks away. So remember, it's not too late to break-up. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Big institutions in this imperial state, in this evil US empire, prepare their politicians to become criminals. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
