Funny Quotes · Page 69

“There is a lot to learn about love and positions.”

— M.F. Moonzajer

What thought can think, another thought can mend.

— Robert Southwell

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

— Woody Allen

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

— Bo Burnham

Build an inner place to protect your truth.

— Richard Bach

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

— Gracie Allen

I've been through a lot of struggles.

— Dwight Henry

Musicals are just funny to me.

— Julian Barratt

... be indulgent toward those who ... are afraid of the aloneness that you trust.

— Rainer Maria Rilke

If your life is all about screwing things and getting hammered, then congratulations, youre a tool.

— Anonymous

“You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference.”

— Amit Kalantri

It’s not what you do some of the time that counts, it’s what you do all of the time that counts.

— Jack LaLanne

People say that nothing is impossible, but I do nothing everyday ..

— Winnie The Pooh

The manipulation of statistical formulas is no substitute for knowing what one is doing.

— Hubert M. Blalock

I've been buried in IRAC so long, they should be paying my parents a military pension.

— Anonymous

All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.

— Bill Maher

I see a funny guy who's imperfect, but has a great heart and no vanity when it comes to what he'll do…

— Marlon Wayans

“What the hell is so funny?" "First of all," she said, her confidence growing, "they're not my MASTERS. I don't have a…

— Derek Landy

“Nancy was so thrilled, I thought she was going to kiss me—and I thought I was actually going to have to hit…

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

“... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be…

— E.A. Bucchianeri

I wasn't the class nerd, but I was weird. I could tell long stories and be funny, but I couldn't do sports.…

— Charles Ray

Basically Ken is a very gentle, home-loving person. I remember when one of his stick insects had a knee infection. He stayed…

— Dave Barry

I Just got finished going 2 the dentist for a teeth cleaning its important to take care of yo hygiene becuz u…

— Dante

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole…

— Natasha Leggero

After all, all we demanded was a right to twinkle.

— Marilyn Monroe

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love.

— Elie Wiesel

I don't bite you know ... unless it's called for,

— Audrey Hepburn

“Life is funny; it really is.”

— Karyn Bosnak

We have to earn our Wings every day.

— Frank Borman

Everybody who's anybody longs to be a tree.

— Rita Dove

Thing I won't forget: How much you meant to me.

— Anonymous

Don't talk. I can't hear myself see.

— Jerry Saltz

First thing's first I'm the realest,

— Iggy Azalea

Your life belongs to you and you alone.

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all

— Leo Buscaglia

We mathematicans are all a bit crazy.

— Lev Landau

Anybody can change, but they have to want to change.

— Marshall Goldsmith

My cat has better manners than my friends.

— Anonymous

If life throws you lemons,bring out the TEQUILA!!!

— Punkinhead Abhishek

If he's not dead, it doesn't count.

— Mike Tyson