Funny Quotes · Page 654

Comedy is a meritocracy. If you are funny, you are there. If you are not, you are out.

— Kevin Feige

With every day that goes by, there will be further reductions on what's left of the season

— David Stern

For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.

— Quentin Crisp

It's hard to get lost if you don't know where you're going.

— Jim Jarmusch

“Lettuce mustard our strength, celery-brate and have bun while I scream, relish the day!”

— Tom Althouse

There's nothing in your life you can't learn from, if you respond with the right attitude.

— Rick Warren

I've always found Glasgow to be a wonderful city - warm and funny and full of kindness.

— Gail Honeyman

The language with which I make my poems has nothing to do with one spoken here, or anywhere.

— Anonymous

“It’s not complicated and it doesn’t compare to my problem, now give me a damn cookie I think I earned it,” Jill…

— R.L. Mathewson

“Look, if I were straight, you'd be grandparents before your time. You should be relieved that I'm gay. Aren't you grateful?”

— Hayden Thorne

I feel like somebody who just is very understanding is my biggest thing - timing is a major issue for me -…

— James Charles

“I began to think I quite liked her really. It's always so nice to meet someone more badly behaved than oneself.”

— Helen Fielding

I'm probably not very funny. The scripts just don't come in, or the ones that do aren't that good. I suppose I'm…

— Ray Winstone

You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head…

— Lewis Black

Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.

— Anonymous

I don't see a lot of narratives written where a woman who looks like me gets to be beautiful and sexualized and…

— Viola Davis

You either create or allow everything that happens to you.

— Jack Canfield

Knock knock. who there? Your eviction notice you got 3 dayz to be out.

— Damian Coleman

“In reality most human beings are not, to most human beings, more important than money.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Roses are white nightlock is blue its called Catching Fire not Hunger Games 2

— Priyanka

If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.

— David Cross

I may have to support the legalization of marijuana just so my Criminal Procedure reading can be 70% shorter.

— Anonymous

If LOVE could talk to you about your relationship with food, what would it say?

— Geneen Roth

All we have to see is that I don't belong to you, and you don't belong to me.

— George Michael

It's funny to see the finished product of a movie, stuff that's so beautiful, and to remember the particulars.

— Amy Ryan

Perfection is attained, not when no more can be added, but when no more can be removed.

— Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I know my limits. I dont pay any attention to them, but I know them.

— Charith Thilina

Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun, or getting paid, everyone likes getting laid!

— Jake Anderson

We never move on FROM the Gospel, we move on IN the Gospel

— J. I. Packer

'Come out' is so funny to me because I've never been in.

— Adam Lambert

There are so many great directors that I haven't worked with and that I would love to work with.

— Jeremy Piven

Never masturbate to a fantasy involving anyone you might actually have to interact with. Trust me.

— Nikhil Saluja

All I know is that I must soon die, but what I know least is this very death which I cannot escape.

— Blaise Pascal

My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

— Bob Thaves

The more successful you are the less accessible you will become.

— Andy Stanley

Don't hate me because I'm handsome, hate me because your girlfriend thinks I am.

— Azgraybebly Josland

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

— Alan Carr

I'm not inventing anything new, I'm just using existing material differently.

— Shigeru Ban

My life is like a romantic comedy except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes.

— Anonymous

I dont like being told someones interpretation of something that I do.

— Jonathan Brandis