Funny Quotes · Page 607

My work is about seeing - seeing things like they haven't been seen before.

— Robert Mapplethorpe

A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.

— Hussein Nishah

PRINGLES: The only chip company in the world that doesn't sell air! -NeSha

— Nesha

Some of the players are known as scorers or assists. I guess what I am known as being is an ironwoman.

— Heather Mitts

Americans learn only from catastrophe and not from experience.

— Theodore Roosevelt

B*tch move from the sunlight l hate the smell of burning plastic.

— Cuts And Scars

Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.

— Jimmy Carr

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

— Anonymous

The funny thing is that, for some reason, people think when you're pregnant, you have to start wearing maternity wear and wear…

— Coco Rocha

America is a funny place; it's a land of extremes, I think. There's fantastic, and there's gobsmackingly dreadful. In every realm you…

— Passenger

“ the way people treat shifters can be amusing." "Discrimination is never funny." "You're a righteous woman, Kim. I like that." "How…

— Jennifer Ashley

That nickname was given to me by Steve Nash when I came to the league and nobody could say my last name,…

— Goran Dragic

It's true; I have a skill and it's... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related…

— Tim Allen

You have to be careful on the deck, because of the "hatches," which are holes placed around a sailboat at random to…

— Dave Barry

The funny thing about being a preacher's kid is when you're playing tournaments on Saturdays and Sundays, you miss a lot of…

— Christopher Eubanks

“     Illicit flight Alfa Bravo Charlie quickly reached a predetermined altitude and stopped dead. The passengers on board screamed the way people…

— A.R. Merrydew

Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."

— P. J. O'Rourke

If Jesus is always the answer... then what is the question????

— Mercy Pheona

I suddenly realized I was a writer of wide reputation and most of it bad.

— Theodora

Ln PE class, there's always that one person who thinks it's the damn olympics.

— Anonymous

The validity of internet quotes are getting sketchy nowadays

— Abraham Lincoln

I'd find the fellow who lost it [million dollars], and, if he was poor, I'd return it.

— Yogi Berra

When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.

— Anonymous

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life.

— Anonymous

Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking

— Hussein Nishah

Pick-Up Line: That blouse looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ooooh, They Just Called You Short..!!! Aw Hell Naw, Lift Me Up..!!!

— Toni Watson

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

— Bob Hope

Men are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

— Anonymous

That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record

— David Coleman

Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.

— Hussein Nishah

WHEN YOU GOING THROUGH SOMETHING YOU CANT SEE HOW FUNNY ITS GONNA BE LATER SO LAUGH NOW!!

— LEONARD PAUL ROSE

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?" All the time.

— Wendy Mass

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only one you can accurately compare yourself to is you!

— Mike Mentzer

Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.

— Bill Bailey

America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

— Bobcat Goldthwait

Sometimes I look at you, and I'm sad because you're not a dragon.

— Anonymous

There is a light which cannot ever be extinguished. It is inside of you... It is you.

— Neale Donald Walsch

I was once that which you are, and what I am you will also be.

— Masaccio