To understand one woman is not necessarily to understand any other woman. — John Stuart Mill Copy Share Image
Friend: Can I have a piece of gum? Me: Yeah, just don't say you got it from me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when you say,Just Kidding but you're actually dead serious. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“Look, I'm a guy. Your ass was touching my groin. Of course I'm going to pop a boner. It's a natural reaction.” — Gwen Hayes Copy Share Image
I think the Worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of Charades — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
You can't have a bad time at Disney World. It's not allowed. They have hidden electronic surveillance cameras everywhere, and if they… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A little ego is good. It prevents you from making a complete fool of yourself. But a little more ego has the… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Another foreign-policy triumph for Reagan was his 1984 visit to China, where he met for more than three hours with Mao Zedong… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Individual character involves honoring and embracing certain core ethical values; honesty, respect, responsibility . . . Parents must teach their children from… — Bill Clinton Copy Share Image
A man is helping his wife make a password for the computer. He types in mypenis. The wife then starts laughing hysterically… — Brii Ann Copy Share Image
I used to look for cameras in the mall to steal things, now I look to see if I can scratch my… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
We have barely tapped the power that is ours. We are more than we know. — Charlene Spretnak Copy Share Image
The funny thing when you are with a man that has lots of fans - particularly female fans - it gets sensitive! — Diana DeGarmo Copy Share Image
With women you don't have to talk your head off. You just say a word and let them fill in from there. — Satchel Paige Copy Share Image
I don't have to be bam, bam, bam, funny when I'm working. I can tell stories, and there's some funny in them. — Whoopi Goldberg Copy Share Image
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Watch your back today, guys. 20 year old chicks born on leap day are really only 5. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
One of my coworkers has an annoying habit, He works! Makes me look bad. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It is funny how football works. Everyone has their own journeys, don't they? — Ollie Watkins Copy Share Image
Take hold of the future or the future will take hold of you - be futurewise. — Patrick Dixon Copy Share Image
It's a scientific fact. For every year a person lives in Hollywood, they lose two points of their IQ. — Truman Capote Copy Share Image
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist! — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
It's funny where we look for salvation, and where we actually find it. — Anne Lamott Copy Share Image
