“disclosure: (n.) when they finally tell us everything and nothing changes.” — Sol Luckman Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, TRADITIONAL, A man who expects his wife to help him with the dishes — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats. — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
“It would actually constitute more than a miracle, he realised. It would take divine intervention plus luck, plus some unknown element of… — David Baldacci Copy Share Image
My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
“Barefoot and pregnant. After the ruckus last night, I suppose I wouldn't be all that shocked if you managed it," Elijah muttered… — Lyn Gala Copy Share Image
“I'll see when a trip's feasible. In the meantime you can sext or meme them.” “YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN,… — Zack Morrison Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Guy's thinks that every girls dream is to find the perfect man run off with them and get married, and have a… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“What's a slut?" I ask him. "A girl who puts out too easily." "Puts out what?" I imagine Greer putting out dinner… — Rachel Cohn Copy Share Image
I still tell a lot of jokes and do a lot of funny comics, but the stuff I like best is the… — Kate Leth Copy Share Image
I had my first bowl of gazpacho when I was fifteen in Spain, and the impression it made was a lasting one. — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
I hope I get to go home tomorrow.. I hate being here at my moms house.. - — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
We all have wings, but it is up to each one of us to have the courage to fly — Miranda Kerr Copy Share Image
I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When I want to have this teenage but funny way to be, I think about Ariana Grande. — Anitta Copy Share Image
People say that beauty is on the inside, but I would prefer a pretty face over a pretty kidney. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
“Ma didn't think puns were funny but couldn't help laughing at the naughty look Pa gave her when he made one.” — Laura Ingalls Wilder Copy Share Image
Learn everything you possibly can, and you will discover later that none of it was superfluous. — Hugh of Saint Victor Copy Share Image
“I did not ask for your help.' 'But you have it nonetheless.” — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
TheBiggestLies Classmate: Do you have any gum? ; Me: Nah man, I got it from someone else. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nearness to God brings likeness to God. The more you see God the more of God will be seen in you. — Charles Spurgeon Copy Share Image
People often ask what I think of Michael McIntyre. I think he's funny. He's a nice bloke. — Peter Kay Copy Share Image
Everybody who belongs to Christ belongs to everybody who belongs to Christ — E. Stanley Jones Copy Share Image
