When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Saw a guy with a cast on his leg. First thought: This one can't run away. — Bailey Heideman Copy Share Image
The most exercise you get is running your mouth, jumping to conclusions, and pushing your luck. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not a mind reader, your unspoken words doesn't tell me anything at all. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
At the beginning we learn to travel, then we travel to learn. — William Least Heat-Moon Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone talking to you when their breath stinks , and you back up and they get closer — Shaquille Solomon Copy Share Image
There are amusing people who do not interest, and interesting people who do not amuse — Benjamin Disraeli Copy Share Image
Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
“Roarke didn't quite make it to Eve's office. He found her down the corridor, in front of one of the vending machines.… — J.D. Robb Copy Share Image
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that u… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh,… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
Obviously we know Bill Hader is funny and charming, but my question is, can he do raw humanity and naturalism? I think… — Mark Duplass Copy Share Image
