We are the ones who have distanced ourselves from God and then we've blamed him for the distance. — Jason Upton Copy Share Image
In acrylics, what you lose on the straights you make up for on the corners. — Robert Genn Copy Share Image
Yeah. Some people just don't understand when their facial hair starts to look ridiculous. — Daniel Bryan Copy Share Image
Slamming the door shut, so everybody in the house knows you're pissed off. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. — Doug Larson Copy Share Image
When you REACT you are giving away your power. When you RESPOND you are staying in control of yourself. — Bob Proctor Copy Share Image
Ive always done accents and stupid voices. But I went to school in Hampstead, where most of my mates were Jewish, and… — Hugh Dennis Copy Share Image
TEACHER: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?...STUDENT: A… — Olubayo Adebiyi Copy Share Image
The best possible thing you can get out of a relationship is that you’re with someone who encourages you to be the… — Nishan Copy Share Image
Little girl asks her grandma: Grandma, can you show me a magic trick? Grandma answers: I can't dear, but I'm sure your… — Sharlene05 Copy Share Image
“I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
