Funny Quotes · Page 431

In the beginning was the image.

— Asger Jorn

Rich Folkers is throwing 'em up in the bullpen.

— Jerry Coleman

Poetry contains nothing haphazard.

— William Empson

I am then never less alone than when alone

— William Hazlitt

SHUT THE FUCK UP. Damn, someone needs a happy meal...

— Anonymous

Here I am: My brain is open.

— Paul Erdos

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.

— Harry S Truman

mine, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.

— Ambrose Bierce

Thanks for being a wonderful mother and always supporting me in every decision you ever made for me.

— Anonymous

One of the things you have to learn is that you don't have to have the ball all the time to be…

— Allen Iverson

Each man must begin where he stands, must learn how to control the things that are nearest to him.

— Swami Vivekananda

Seeing a really ugly person and whispering into your friend's earthats your boyfriend/ ígirlfriendx]

— Anonymous

I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me.

— James Acaster

“Whenever a woman smiled his way, she'd already begun dividing her life into trimesters.”

— Ta-Nehisi Coates

Don't like my sarcasm ? Well I don't like your stupidity.

— Anonymous

Student sent a telegram to his Father: NO MONEY, NO FUN, -UR SON. Father replied, HOW SAD, TOO BAD,-UR DAD

— Ritu Ghatourey

Most people are used to the T.V. comedy method of one joke every 18 seconds. And that's why it's not funny... There's…

— Ron Shock

But, sooner or later I'd love to do a comedy. I mean I think that, you know, people don't think that that's…

— Matthew Fox

If you're told you only have six months to live, immediately get married. It will make those six months seem like eternity.

— Nikhil Saluja

Years of education , solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to…

— Anonymous

I just need a day off, from reality, just a day without people, problems, and all the bullshit that runs through my…

— Kevin McCarty

My grandmothers are Irish-American and German-American; my grandfather is from the Caribbean. My father is African-American. My family looked funny. I just…

— Sarah Jones

One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old,…

— Louis C. K

“Kools never did get along with partners. He once stabbed a fella over whose turn it was to drive. Kools says I…

— David Wong

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are what you are by what you BELIEVE!

— Oprah Winfrey

Every realm of nature is marvelous.

— Aristotle

My religion is, to live through Love.

— Rumi

Live and die on this day... Live and die on this day...

— Liam Neeson

Reading a book. It's like a Kindle, for idiots.

— Anonymous

... all of us talk faster than we listen.

— Andy Rooney

I was raping Frank Herbert but with love.

— Alejandro Jodorowsky

Be yourself, it's the best thing you can do.

— Greyson Chance

The whole stage was only for me. It was so cool.

— Yelena Isinbayeva

In the bush, trust no one you don't know.

— Alex Haley

To be oneself is a rare thing, and a great one.

— Ursula K. Le Guin

I'm allergic to lush, green lawns and also mowing them.

— Nikhil Saluja

We are not figuratively, but literally Stardust.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson

I just tried to build on my failures.

— Kevin Costner

Thou shalt not take moochers into thy hut?

— Homer