Funny Quotes · Page 397

Mistress of the grisly and the glutinous

— Graham Masterton

Napkin? I have two, They're called sleeves.

— Nikhil Saluja

Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.

— William Shakespeare

Speak with Love and it becomes Truth.

— Sathya Sai Baba

Your faith has saved you; go in peace.

— Luke the Evangelist

Never make forecasts, especially about future.

— Samuel Goldwyn

Aspire not to have more, but to be more.

— Oscar Romero

Everything good proceeds from enthusiasm.

— Brian Eno

Leader, bandits at 2 o'clock! Roger; it's only 1:30 now-what'll I do 'til then?

— Bill Watterson

Why didn't you reply to my text? dude, how am I suppose to reply to lol?

— Anonymous

Be careful of how you treat people. What you do to others has a funny way of coming back to you.

— Anonymous

I hate when I'm tired & sleepy, but when I get in bed, my body is like Just kidding!

— Anonymous

If Twitter, YouTube and Google were part of my school subjects, my parents would be so proud of me.

— Anonymous

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them.

— Kevin Costner

[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

— Virginia Woolf

If the climate were a bank, they would already have saved it.

— Hugo Chavez

Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales…

— Zach Galifianakis

“One more victim sucked in by John. You get into the room with him and you just fall into a warm pool…

— David Wong

There are many that I will not post. I'm not trying to show a blatant death. I'm trying to show something funny…

— Rex Chapman

Im a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, dogs bark, bark is on trees, which is apart of nature and nature…

— Anonymous

When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly saysyou were so cute! What happened? Bitch, I got sexy, that's what happened.

— Anonymous

“It’s funny to me how a man can do all the dirt in the world and the only way they know how…

— Demettrea

“How are you feeling?" I leaned away from him. "Gross." Aiden frowned. "Gross?" "I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face…

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

During the summer I could stay up so late without any problem, now that school's back I can barely stay up past 10.

— Anonymous

Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.

— Henny Youngman

I just made this girl's day by blocking her on twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only rule is don't be boring.

— Paris Hilton

If I agreed with you wed both be wrong

— Unknow

Before I was a genius I was a drudge.

— Ignacy Jan Paderewski

A thing is a thing, not what is said of that thing.

— Susan Sontag

“This is the final book about Brian”

— Gary Paulsen

I like your tan. What's your race? Carro

— Anonymous

As thou thinkest, so art thou.

— Swami Vivekananda

I've done it! I have become a summoner!

— Yuna

Where there is no math, there is no freedom.

— Edward Frenkel

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

— Jack Black

“Threat Level Fuchsia. Fuchsia!”

— Charlie Cochet

Oh, the weather outside is weather.

— Paul Rudd

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say…

— Henny Youngman

Clothes and courage have so much to do with each other.

— Sara Jeannette Duncan