Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
I just faced the ultimate rejection. I was masturbating and my hand fell asleep. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
One girl is a girl, two girls are half a girl, and three girls are no girl at all. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
The question is not what we intended ourselves to be, but what He intended us to be when He made us. — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
My dad was obviously a really quirky, unconventional Asian man who didn't care about what other people thought. When he would fight… — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
One day a girl looked at my boyfriend… she was like... oh eye candy! I looked at her like she was prey...… — Iris Thomas Copy Share Image
A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“For loose teeth the tooth fairy recommends tying your tooth to a brick and throwing said brick down the stairs.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
There's terrific merit in having no sense of humour, no sense of irony, practically no sense of anything at all. If you're… — Peter Cook Copy Share Image
“Stop teasing you two,” Suzy jumped in, “not all of Kathy’s ideas are wacky.” “Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
Comedy came early. I knew when I was a kid that I was silly, and I knew that I liked people who… — Milana Vayntrub Copy Share Image
“BioLogos claims there is no conflict between the theory of evolution and creationism. Huh? Here is where the creationists seem to have… — G.M. Jackson Copy Share Image
