Funny Quotes · Page 305

It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?

— Anonymous

I think I've fallen in hate with you.

— Mee

I can never do nothing in this house!

— George Lopez

I could see peace instead of this.

— Confucius

You can do anything, but you can't do everything

— David Allen

I don't know what's up there / Beyond the sky

— Sam Cooke

Patience is the healthiest ingredient of our life.

— Umar

When I die and they come for me bury me a g.

— Tupac Shakur

Because of all these confession pages, Facebook feels like a goddamn church now.

— Satyajit Chhotaray

“No kind of social system can make you more happier and secure than your own money.”

— Amit Kalantri

It is not as difficult as I thought it was, but it is harder than it is.

— Eugene Ormandy

Sometimes in the most tragic situation, something just profoundly funny happens.

— David Hyde Pierce

They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.

— Kevin Keegan

I hope your fine arts degree taught you the fine art of being unemployable.

— Anonymous

There's a difference between delivering real funny and just silly funny.

— Lil Rel Howery

Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

— Dylan Moran

When we [Migos] talk about whatever we're talking about, and you visualise it, that's what we really went through.

— Quavo

Early on, many years ago when we started 'Avatar,' the executive that we were working with said to make the sad scenes…

— Bryan Konietzko

“Funny, that. For so long Wormwood had desired the throne and then, when he'd had it, it hadn't been worth desiring after…

— John Connolly

Yesterday Michael Phelps set an all-time Olympic record for most medals. Phelps has so much gold on his chest he's been asked…

— Conan O'Brien

It was seventh grade or something like that when we started falling in love with stuff like Sam Raimi and Wes Craven…

— Ross Duffer

Girl with black hair: I had sex sanding up so I'm going to have a boy. Red head I had sex laying…

— Unknow

Do you ever just lie in your bed,and think: Is this me? Am I really alive? Am I really here? Or is…

— Anonymous

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

— Joan Rivers

At the heart of all things is love.

— Sadaharu Oh

Scars remind me of just how far that I've come.

— Shakira

We are what we wear, we wear what we are

— Macklemore

No, it's not love, but it's not bad.

— Merle Haggard

Here’s my mantra: ‘Every mile is a gift.’

— Amby Burfoot

She fell apart because that's what happens.

— John Green

We see nothing till we truly understand it.

— John Constable

Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

— Woody Allen

Infatuation, love, memory, recollection, remembrance

— Hussein Nishah

I love colors... as much as I love concepts.

— Genco Gulan

The best thing to know is what you don’t know,

— Christine Quinn

Boom, boom, foom, poom! He just ran right at 'em!

— John Madden

Those who are fear'd, are hated.

— Benjamin Franklin

Consider your possessions loaned to you by God.

— St. Catherine of Siena

You can't build a substantial V out of turtles!

— Dr. Seuss

It is the passions that do and undo everything.

— Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle