Mom, I have good news! 'You got a 100 in your math test?!' Mom, I said good news, not a miracle. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his hands for masturbation. — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R. — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
Learn, as if never overtaking your object, and yet as if apprehensive of losing it. — Confucius Copy Share Image
The old - like children - talk to themselves, for they have reached that hopeless wisdom of experience which knows that though… — Eugene O'Neill Copy Share Image
You study to remember If you remember too much you forget If you forget you dont know what you studied If you… — Bubbly Copy Share Image
I was very moved by shows that combined things that were funny and sad. I remember liking 'Simpsons' episodes in which emotions… — Raphael Bob-Waksberg Copy Share Image
Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our heart, other people come into our lives and make us want… — Harriet Morgan Copy Share Image
People say everything happens for a reason... well when I punch you in the face remember that happened for a reason! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People often think that you have a sense of humor because you think that life is funny. Life isn't funny at all.… — Howard Jacobson Copy Share Image
I met Amy Winehouse a few times and she was always funny, charming and self-deprecating - just a delight to be around. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“These boys need women who can take the heat without meltin’ like butter, and sometimes that heat is fiery. They need women… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
