Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good. — Howard Stern Copy Share Image
“Every other girl in school thinks you're the hottest thing since the microwave.” — Linda Kage Copy Share Image
The thing about failure is that you never know how close you were to success. — Brian Simo Copy Share Image
Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but I also know that funny outlasts pretty any day of the week. — Ulrika Jonsson Copy Share Image
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I LOVE EVERYONE...SOME I LOVE TO BE AROUND, SOME I LOVE TO AVOID...AND SOME I WOULD LOVE TO PUNCH ON THEIR FACE...!!… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you have achieved any level of success, then pour it into someone else. Success is not success without a successor. — T. D. Jakes Copy Share Image
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“Julian smiled back, his full lips pulled back over white teeth as he rolled the blanket back a little bit. “Is he… — Hazel Blackthorn Copy Share Image
I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
