Tomorrow I'll wake up at 5am. Mom - Lol Dad - Lol Neighbours - Lol Friends - Lol Aliens - Lol — Manish Bhagtani Copy Share Image
I have been governor every now and then, but I am a forester all the time. — Gifford Pinchot Copy Share Image
Each and every one of us is a leader. Some of us just don't know it yet. — Umair Haque Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you went to kiss your GALFRND, and She burped right in your mouth… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop? — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Ron Howard is just a funny legacy director. As a film nerd, he's kind of a funny person to valorize. — John Wilson Copy Share Image
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“...Fran? Frances Hill, you stop that right now! What the devil's got into you? Ada, you should be ashamed! Braying like a… — Jennifer Donnelly Copy Share Image
“What would Golan Do? That way I can ask myself before I do anything. Before I take a dump. How would Dr.… — Ransom Riggs Copy Share Image
The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Dang it don't see how other girls wear their pants so freaking tight, that when they fart their shoes don't fly off. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out… — WCFields Copy Share Image
Here was my first lesson on the resolutely maintained untidiness and ill-health of the English upper orders. In baggy evening dress and… — Clive James Copy Share Image
