Funny Quotes · Page 202

With God, there is always a future.

— Charles Stanley

Looking fifty is greatif youre sixty.

— Anonymous

I became a specialist at comedic one-liners.

— Lauren Hutton

If Google can't find the answer, it's not a question.

— Anonymous

Everyone I know who skis is dead.

— Will Ferrell

Africa is God's country, and He can have it.

— Groucho Marx

Omnia apud me mathematica fiunt.

— Rene Descartes

The best stock to buy is the one you already own.

— Peter Lynch

If I rescued a child from drowning, the press would no doubt headline the story: 'Benn grabs child

— Tony Benn

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

— Aziz Ansari

I call myself the Amusement Park. That's because I'm funny and scary at the same time.

— Terry Crews

What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.

— Lily Tomlin

“If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator”

— Josh Stern

A too-expected image (cliché) will never seem right, even if it is.

— Robert Bresson

Quebec from the boat looked like the ramparts where Hamlet's ghost might have walked.

— Charlie Chaplin

Wealth is not only what you have but it is also what you are.

— Sterling W Sill

“I had a dream about you last night. We went to the store cupboard to make out, but we ended up sharing…

— Michael Summers

“Instead of Rock, Paper, Scissors, you could play Brick, Blanket, Action Fingers, in which brick cripples action fingers, blanket smothers brick and…

— Nicole McKay Amy Riekhof

Sometimes you're not getting the laughs you want or at the place you want but that doesn't mean it's not funny. It…

— Baron Vaughn

Dear Mother In Law don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs…

— Ritu Ghatourey

I find that rock climbing is the finest, most healthiest sport in the whole world. It is much healthier than most; look…

— John Salathe

This could be so much more. So much more than a casual kiss, and a quick caress beneath the sheets. This really…

— Anonymous

The same God who created Rembrandt created you, and you are as precious in God’s sight as Rembrandt or anyone else.

— Zig Ziglar

“You can't sleep beside me,' I hissed. 'I'm not.' With the edge of his blanket in hand, he draped it, along with…

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

I already shot my wad on the Protestants!

— Gene Siskel

You cannot live without doing something.

— Carlos Slim

To philosophize is to doubt.

— Michel de Montaigne

Due to Multi-Tenancy our gross margin by over 70%.

— Zach Nelson

He who is full of joy is full of love.

— Baal Shem Tov

It's not necessary to tell all you know.

— Harper Lee

I hold death in my pouch, I cannot die.

— Fela Kuti

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

— Ron White

The more you know the less you talk.

— A. R. Rahman

Conservatives, come out of the closet

— Jon Bruning

One [has] to sense the trend of history and precede it.

— Elsa Schiaparelli

Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.

— Anonymous

We learn nothing by being right.

— Elizabeth Bibesco

In literature it is only the wild that attracts us.

— Henry David Thoreau

Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.

— Thomas Jefferson

Those that are above business.

— Matthew Henry