Funny Quotes · Page 147

Find the stories that unite us

— Ami Vitale

Work hard to find something that fascinates you.

— Richard P. Feynman

I don't know how to be anything but myself

— Selena Gomez

Apparently, they believe they're gods.

— Steve Novick

The quieter we become, the more we can hear.

— Rumi

Say nothing but good of the dead.

— Solon

No great goal was ever easily achieved.

— Margaret Thatcher

Dude, she just called you fat. Oh hell no! hold my cake

— Anonymous

I am a sundial, and I make a botch Of what is done much better by a watch.

— Hilaire Belloc

Be nice to people who drink and smoke. Because they will not be with us for a long time!

— Simi Ngr

The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil.

— Heywood Hale Broun

I wanted to be a dramatic actor. I never realized I was funny until I was 20-something.

— Eugenio Derbez

The awkward moment when you think a customer is a salesperson.

— Anonymous

When we come to know who we truly are, we will see ourselves in all people.

— Mata Amritanandamayi

My resolution this Jewish New Year is to try and care that it's the Jewish New Year.

— Anonymous

I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

— Ryan Stiles

Advice of the Day: Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do because sometimes you mean…

— Anonymous

I want to push that no matter what race you are, you're never just a sidekick or broken character. You're the main…

— Lexi Underwood

“She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally…

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

There have been so many discussions about my weight: How is she going to lose weight? Is she going to lose weight?…

— Chrissy Metz

“Did you just call me a numpty?" "Yup. A delusional one." "What, may I ask, is a numpty?" "A person demonstrating a…

— Samantha Young

Y'all should be happy for me. It's funny, compared to my peers, my catalog isn't even that big, but I'm still getting…

— Saweetie

Good girls own only one credit card & rarely use Bad girls own only one bra & rarely use Naughty girls own…

— Nikhil Saluja

[when asked by his secretary if she should destroy all files that were over ten years old] Yes, but keep copies.

— Samuel Goldwyn

You create yourself in the image you hold in your mind.

— Thomas Dreier

It is time to finish off the U.S. once and for all.

— Bobby Fischer

This We Know. All Things Are Connected

— Chief Seattle

Whoever has God lacks nothing. God alone suffices.

— Teresa of Avila

Never buy anything simply because it is expensive.

— Oscar Wilde

Dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

— Unknow

You're either competing or you're not.

— Pete Carroll

The peace of God is first and foremost peace with God.

— J. I. Packer

School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone.

— Anonymous

“I make love like never, only less often.
”

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

You cannot write unless you write much.

— W. Somerset Maugham

I love comedy, I love comedy... I think I'm funny!

— Santigold

Three Things to Watch.. Speech, Behavior and Action.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never is a concept the Yankees won't ever come across.

— Andy Pettitte

We all say things when we are trying to get elected.

— Christy Clark

When you see it..it took me an hour :)

— Katie Grabil