That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The nation looked upon him as a deserter, and he shrunk into insignificancy and an earldom. — Lord Chesterfield Copy Share Image
“We are all regular people, Pia,’ she laughs. ‘But we are not regular wives.” — Aditi Mathur Kumar Copy Share Image
But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be. — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I just want someone to compliment my new underwear. Ugh, its so hard being a salesman in this day and age. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.' — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
He's a boating enthusiast, although that phrase seems too weak to describe the level of his interest, kind of like describing someone… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two… — John Barrymore Copy Share Image
“Miss Vida" Liam said "has anyone never told you that you are positively the whipped cream on the sundae of life?" She… — Alexandra Bracken Copy Share Image
I don't like when you necessarily know that this is the end of the movie. I like when a movie ends abruptly.… — Noah Baumbach Copy Share Image
Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“Each one you take is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the gods of alcohol will punish you with a hangover… — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
