“The Church being what she is cannot have the instincts of a gentleman.” — George Everett Macdonald Copy Share Image
It might be funny when you get hit by a car, but not when you get run over by one. — Rob Campbell Copy Share Image
The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win. — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
Expect the worst And that's what You'll get Only it will be Much worse. — J. P. Donleavy Copy Share Image
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... Made myself a sandwich. — Persia Copy Share Image
I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Fear depends on time for it's strength! Confront that which you fear with speed. — Grant Cardone Copy Share Image
People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
His herding instinct is so strong that he confuses tractors on a baseball field for sheep. He was hospitalized twice. Once by… — Tom Hayden Copy Share Image
“Shoving aside fear and self-doubt, I met his eyes, aiming for absolute confidence in both my stance and my voice. “My father… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
I hate being tired in school and thinking I'm going to take a napas soon as I get home and then when… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Two women were talking. When I was young, I used to laugh when my mother crossed her legs when she had to… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“I’m late.” He blinked and glanced instinctively at his wrist, where he usually wore his watch. Despite her anxiety, Cali snickered. “Not… — Zannie Adams Copy Share Image
Alex Rodriguez never gets clutch hits in October, yet his fans insist on comparing him to Babe Ruth. So A-Rod tries to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about it's use. It is hitting below… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
