When I make a mistake, I'm an idiot. When my boss makes a mistake, hey! He's only human! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when someone calls your bestfriend their bestfriend and your like , NO. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He defends me, loves me and helps me…If only the people in my life was as loyal as my dog. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says 'Trust me, you dont want to know.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to the greatest mom in the world besides Michelle Obama. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was little, I used to fall asleep on the sofa and wake up in bed. Now, I pass out on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thank you for completely ignoring our wedding registry and instead getting us something you thought we should have but that we'll never… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like how the Ninja Turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity, its not like your a giant turtle or… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This Memorial Day weekend, it is important to remember those who lost their battle to be swimsuit-ready by summer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hurricanes are like women. When they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave, they take your house and car — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear folks join my new P.E.N.I.S foundation (People Encouraging Niceness In Society). P.E.N.I.S it's not hard unless you make it that way. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When your significant other asks if she looks fat in an outfit...simply smile grab a random dress and say "Not as fat… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you put something in a safe place so you don't lose it and then forget where that safe… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't cry because it's over. Smile & laugh because his new girlfriend looks like a horse :D — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If Someone Says You Are Not Looking Good. . . . . . . . . Just Say. , Excuse Me. . I am Not Your Mirror — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dont ever wrestle with a pig. Youll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Fifty Shades of Grey doesn't hold a candle to the masochism fix I get from coming to work every Monday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
On the scale of Kristen Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many facial expressions do u have? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I oppose the Gay Pride Parade because it reminds me all the hot guys I want to sleep with are gay. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Maybe you should post wants attentions as your status cause I don't think people are getting your drift. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You've always been a great mom because of your patience, sense of humor, and fondness for daytime drinking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have to stop saying How stupid can you be? I think people are taking it as a challenge. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May your July 4th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4th alcohol consumption. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How much better would the world be if a liars pants really did catch on fire. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That annoying moment when someone interrupts you and thenyou can't remember what you were talking about. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This Friendship Day, let's pause to remember how empty our lives would be without alcohol. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I retired early for health reasons - my company was sick of me and I was sick of them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's always that one person that can make you smile, even when you're at your lowest pint. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My dog knows when to leave when not wanted, other bitches, not so smart. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
