Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 45

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Whos in a hurry?

— Anonymous

If the end of a cigarette is called a butt , does that mean u suck ass ?

— Anonymous

Receiving a text and thinkingHow am I suppose to reply?!

— Anonymous

I'd like to have a child one day.. two days at the most.

— Anonymous

The funny jokes are the once that are not funny like this one……...

— Anonymous

You should never laugh at your dad if he's mad or screaming at you.

— Anonymous

I want to try and get 5,000 soon,so I am gonna try and do the shoutouts on the walls like we used…

— Anonymous

Happy are those who hear their detractions and can put them to mending.

— Anonymous

I'm just going to be honest with you. It's hard to go out there and fight for 60 minutes when you're fighting…

— Anonymous

I advise you all, don't mess with me. I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.. ;)

— Anonymous

During a test when the teacher passes by, you cover your answers with your hand so that the teacher cant see how…

— Anonymous

3 men were drunk,they stopped a taxi.The taxi driver figured that they were drunk,he just switched on the engine & switched it…

— Anonymous

Thanks a lot for coming to my birthday. Let me I almost stretched myself to pick you from home and drop you…

— Anonymous

Teacher: School's almost over, Teacher: And this is crazy, Teacher: But here's 3 projects, Teacher: Due by Friday

— Anonymous

Boy: Will you be may RAIN? Girl: Why ?? Boy: Because I Will Be your Earth Girl: Whats is the connection between…

— Anonymous

WHERE THE HELL IS IT!! I SWEAR I'LL BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND! Sir, calm down, your toy is under the…

— Anonymous

Shout out to all the people born in 1928 celebrating their 21st birthday! Happy Leap Day!

— Anonymous

It's scary that 50% of all marriages end in divorce...it's even scarier that the other 50% last forever.

— Anonymous

Sorry the guy you spent so much time pretending to like lost the election.

— Anonymous

Happy Mother's Day, even though I pretty much raised myself.

— Anonymous

Happy Hanukkah to someone spending eight days subtly trying to conceal their Judaism.

— Anonymous

Today's Relationships: You can touch each other, but not each other's phones.

— Anonymous

Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.

— Anonymous

Let's focus on pairing single guests to avoid the reality of spending eternity as a couple.

— Anonymous

Who's better lil Wayne or eminem?? I say eminem who do u think?

— Anonymous

My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way?

— Anonymous

It would be funny if, while performing an abortion, someone yelled 'abort! abort!'

— Anonymous

Men are like...Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

— Anonymous

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

— Anonymous

Be the kind of woman that, when your feet hit the floor every morning, the devil says, 'Oh, crap. She's up.'

— Anonymous

Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm always drunk when I do it.

— Anonymous

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

— Anonymous

Sometimes boys are like bras, they can hook up behind your back.

— Anonymous

Sadly, I can't say the same for my Father, who is probably in a different place - Hell.

— Anonymous

As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools.

— Anonymous

I Don't hate you, it's just that my attitude has some issues with your personality.

— Anonymous

Happy Veterans Day from someone who can barely handle the simulated warfare of video games.

— Anonymous

To a teenager there's nothing more embarrassing than a parent.

— Anonymous

2 hour movie, 30 second sex scene. Guess which part your parents happen to walk in on?

— Anonymous

Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.

— Anonymous