Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 43

May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful

— Anonymous

Lol what do you think? You don't see this everyday!

— Kiara Sellars

Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.

— Nikhil Saluja

The blonde cowboy put glue on his six-shooters so he would always stick to his guns.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes the only one who can appreciate you, is you

— Hussein Nishah

Gasp Reflex : The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts.

— Nikhil Saluja

No I didnt trip The floor looked like it needed a hug.

— Author Name

Earlier I received a phone call from a PPI Telemarketer. So I told my 3 year old son that Santa Claus was…

— Anonymous

Seeing a cute couple end their relationship is like watching the ending of every Nicholas Spark movie.

— Anonymous

LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself;

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear Dora, how in the hell did do you get that tiny shirt to fit over your big head...Sincerely, thats physically impossible!

— Lillaay

Everyone has that make the other person sound incredibly stupid voice when describing an argument.

— Anonymous

I love how face book shows when a message is seen now ain't no one gonna lie about it. Guilty as Charge

— Solene Gemtessa

The Miami Heat playing the San Antonio Spurs is the only way I could ever root for anything from Texas.

— Anonymous

A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.

— Anonymous

They say I'm like a big teddy bear. Ya I am, if that bear is Ted.

— Anonymous

I hate it when my friends add my other friends, who they dont know!

— Tanya Bianco

That WTF moment when your toothpaste does a suicide dive off of your toothbrush

— Itsme867

I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something

— Hussein Nishah

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

— Nikhil Saluja

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, living proof that women can take a joke;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not short, I'm just more down to earth than most people.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

If someone texts 'K', just reply with 'L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z'

— Anonymous

You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sex with a long term partner - Standard life

— Nikhil Saluja

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

— Nikhil Saluja

For every girl without a guy, there's a guy without a girl

— Hussein Nishah

How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men...

— Caitlin Bower

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, 'I'd so tap that.'

— Anonymous

As bored and fed up as a grand national jockey reaching for top shelf porn

— Sparki Dee

Women love sex in the dark because they can't stand to see a man have a good time.

— Nikhil Saluja

(._.)(|:)(.-.)(:|)(._.) They see me rolling, they hating.

— Anonymous

Dear Google: They are only using you to get to me! Sincerely Wikipedia

— Anonymous

Ghetto Olympics: On your MARK…Get SET…TWERK!

— Anonymous

Dnt let the door hit you when mother nature splits you

— Netter

Not everyone is going to like you and you are not going to like everyone.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook + Texting = Textbook. So Im studying right?

— Anonymous