Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 42

Dear Teacher. Please stop make us sleepy, we have no bed in class. Sincerely, students.

— OhItsVynn

If you were a burger at McDonalds you would be called McSexy.

— Generose Relano

If ya want people to remember you, borrow money from them.

— Anonymous

Money doesn't bring happiness, but shopping does

— Hussein Nishah

Who needs the young and the restless, when we can watch drama on Facebook anytime?

— Arjun Loveable

Roses are red, Twitter is blue...you look bangable, so I'll follow you.

— Seth Rogan

I want a girlfriend with a big forehead , so she can headbutt all my Haters.

— Joel Taylor

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs. It's really that simple.

— Anonymous

It's not a day that don't go by that I don't thank God for waking me up to enjoy life and appreciate…

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're wrong and you shut up, you're wise. If you're right and you shut up, you're married.

— Itsme867

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy

— Hussein Nishah

When I drive if you beep your horn 1 second after the light changes green I will shut off my car, lay…

— Anonymous

Mom: YOU'RE GROUNDED. Me: Psh. Fine I don't care. Mom: Give me your phone then. Me: OMG IM SO SORRY MOM I…

— Itsme867

If Shes A Keeper. . . . .Then KEEP Her ! If She's A Freak. . . . .Then FREAK Her. .…

— Jason Santana

Never lend a book to someone who don't know how to read, never give your heart to someone that don't know how…

— Nikhil Saluja

My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles.

— Anonymous

I'd get a lot more sleep if I didn't insist on reading the entire internet every night.

— Nikhil Saluja

All the fish in the sea, and you choose to fall in love with a sea-lion?

— Martin Lawrence

Facebook is like a relationship: Faithful on your wall, but cheating in their inbox...

— Author Name

Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.

— Anonymous

To the world you may be someone, but to someone you may be the world.

— Nikhil Saluja

Are all of Taylor Swifts songs about the same guy, or is she just a whore?

— Anonymous

Gay people: One man's junk is another man's treasure.

— Um

If you tickle my feet, I am NOT responsoble for your injuries.

— Anonymous

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

— Anonymous

Women don't poop, they hold it in and it comes out as drama.

— Anonymous

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

— Nikhil Saluja

Im so addicted to facebook I can log-in with my eyes close.

— Asheya

If you have to give me CPR and your breath stinks, just let me die please..

— Anonymous

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

— Harriet Morgan

Love it when someone's laugh is funnier that the joke.!

— Anonymous

My girlfriend said, I hate it when you finish my sentences. So I said, Period.

— Nikhil Saluja

Most of my Facebook friends are farmers, gangsters or cooks.

— Arjun Loveable

I make weird faces in photos because its better to look ugly on purpose.

— Anonymous

You took my daughter's virginity! Sorry sir, it won't happen again...

— Scarlet Kim

It's adorable when sleep tries to compete with Facebook.

— Anonymous

Let him open your mind before he opens your Legs. The bond usually lasts longer.

— Nikhil Saluja

Alpha Kenny bode ifyi semore But!…(now say it out loud)

— Syoung

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

— Nikhil Saluja