Facebook status Quotes by Anonymous · Page 20

Facebook doesn't ruin relationships, getting caught in your lies does.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when you wave your hand in front of a paper towel dispenser that isnt automatic.

— Anonymous

God gave you two hands, and you use them both to like my post. I can respect that

— Anonymous

Don't bottle up your emotions.

— Anonymous

They say you are what you eat. Well that's funny...I don't recall eating a sexy beast today.

— Anonymous

I'm looking for a lover not a friend, somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to, I'm looking…

— Anonymous

Funny how it's always the woman with fake hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake boobs....that have the audacity to scream Girrrrrrrrl ain't…

— Anonymous

The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all your flaws, mistakes, & weaknesses, & still thinks you're completely amazing.

— Anonymous

LIKE if the last thing you do every night and the first thing you do every morning is check your phone.

— Anonymous

That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off and you wonder why bad things…

— Anonymous

If I am ever in the middle of a shooting, I'll just lay on the floor and act like someone already killed…

— Anonymous

Having 20 girlfriends isn't swag...having 1 girlfriend and 19 girls chasing you is.

— Anonymous

Dear boys, If you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look like Victoria's Secret angels. Sincerely, Girls

— Anonymous

I've always wanted to meet some of my friends on Facebook that I've never met in real life but after seeing some…

— Anonymous

Dear Facebook, thanks for reminding me why moving away from my hometown was the best decision ever.

— Anonymous

If I had to be any Kardashian sister, I would choose Bruce Jenner.

— Anonymous

Who remembers blowing air into their Nintendo 64s to get it to work?

— Anonymous

Dear sidewalk, Please get wider...Sincerely, third friend walking behind feeling excluded.

— Anonymous

Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you or disappoint you, but they can't prevent…

— Anonymous

In life, you will have people that will love you, leave you, and hurt you. But then you have the ones that…

— Anonymous

Some people ignore you now then need you later.

— Anonymous

No matter the miles between us, we always stand under the same stars.

— Anonymous

There'd be less accidents if there was a texting lane.

— Anonymous

Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.

— Anonymous

Black people mad Romney's white. White people mad Obama's black. Me? I'm mad no one cares about their policies or our country.

— Anonymous

Dear kindergarten students If you don't like your nap time ,can you please give to us........Sincerely High school students

— Anonymous

Ebay is probably the most dangerous place to hang around after a night of drinking.

— Anonymous

Admit it you once made a little kid cry, and then made them laugh so you wouldn't get into trouble.

— Anonymous

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little faster or buy a belt. Thanks, homie.

— Anonymous

Everyone has that make the other person sound incredibly stupid voice when describing an argument.

— Anonymous

I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

— Anonymous

Waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and avoiding all of the mirrors.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious.

— Anonymous

H.o.m.e.w.o.r.k = Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge

— Anonymous

Everytime I go into a port-a-potty I am thankful that I am a guy.

— Anonymous

I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong. I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems…

— Anonymous

Thanks for inviting me to your baby shower, it reminded me to take my birth control pill.

— Anonymous

Oh wow. You're really gonna fight me over the internet? What's the worst you can do, caps-lock my ass?

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when you have to much lotion on and don't know where to put it...

— Anonymous

I'm starting to think that the gym isn't really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to…

— Anonymous