George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Noah's wife, who said to him after 40 days and 40 nights, It's your turn to spread the papers on the floor!… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., That's funny, to me you only look half Jewish. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I'm on the throne. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Vincent Van Gogh, who said to the hat salesman, I like it, but it keeps sliding over my ear. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Lee Iacocca, who said to Dolly Parton, Why do you need an airbag? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sydney Poitier, who said to Lester Maddox, Guess who's not coming to dinner? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Michelangelo's girlfriend, who said to Angelo, Forget the paint - let's put a mirror on the ceiling. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, Maybe we're white. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Orson Welles, who said to Anita Bryant, Stop picketing me. What I said was I was a thespian. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Venus de Milo's mother, who once said to Venus, You never call me. Can't you pick up a phone? Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.” — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
