I know electric knives are excellent for carving turkeys that have had their bones removed and been forced into a mold to shape them. Please note that those turkeys are called hams. — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
Life may be miraculous in its unlikelihood in the universe, but it would be a fallacy to suggest that its rareness makes it inextinguishable. — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
I navigated the world as a hedge maze of constant fear and worry in which I might take the wrong turn and jeopardize the… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
“There are transitions in life whether we want them or not. You get older. You lose jobs and loves and people. The story of… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald meet in hell and team up to assassinate Satan. — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
I think in American culture, we put value on economic success but tell people you don't have to be economically successful to be happy. — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
If you look in the dictionary under 'perfectionist,' you see Henry Selick correcting the definition of perfectionist in the dictionary. I mean, he is… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
Lies are just another kind of storytelling, but with the very distinct and enlivening motive of desperation. Since writers are by nature desperate creatures,… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
I've made my evolutionary purpose and had children. I don't care if anybody likes me, I'm going to do what I want to do.… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
“When you live in New York or any big city, it is easy to fail at growing up. The city is designed to keep… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
You wouldn't want to live a life in which you are loved or approved by all people on Earth or even within your own… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
Well, I always had this desire to celebrate and somehow be a part of things that I thought were really great. — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
