“My book is awful,” I said. “Nonsense,” Dora J. Arod said. “Your book is nonsense.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My book is a light read. Seriously, it probably weighs 3.33 ounces. That’s pretty impressive, considering it’s an ebook.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The worst book I’ve ever read is “Ulysses,” by Joyce, because like my undergraduate college degree, that’s nine and a half years… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s not lit, it’s literature. Lit is something a book can be, after you’ve decided to burn it. (I suggest you start… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I read trash. Empty cereal boxes, empty shampoo bottles, the bottoms of empty Kleenex boxes, and occasionally even a mystical self-help book.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A book on war is useful, but it’d be even more useful if it could shoot bullets. Or stop them. Or stop… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put Chap Stick on before I read, because my lips move along with my eyes. Maybe when I’m a stronger reader,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I sped-read through a book that probably weighed a pound, though I only gleaned about nine ounces of information. That's because it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Today I ate my manuscript with the very spoon I used to write it with. My book was called “Chicken Noodle Soup… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Reading a book is like having the ability to dip a straw into the author’s soul and sip and slurp without lowering… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people read books on musicians, while I read music books. Not books on music, but literally books full of sheet music.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For your birthday I’ll give you 100 copies of your least favorite author’s book, and they’ll all be autographed. Now, should I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The bad news is most of my books are ebooks and aren't for sale in brick-and-mortar bookstores. The good news is that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am fun, friendly, and I know how to use the third comma in a list of three distinct items or things.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The country with the most writers is ironically probably the country with the least readers—USA. And once my parents die, my entire… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras," which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can’t write with dry ink. Likewise, using another author’s dried words to make your writing more fluid is not only dishonest,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’ll make plans on sticky notes and we’ll stick to them. We’ll get married, but only after we buy some milk, cereal,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hooray! I finally finished making a new book cover. Now I just need to write the book. The cover is the image… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t feel like buying him the jacket he asked for for Christmas, so I just got him a coat hanger with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love this book like I love a brick and a blanket, which could be used to teach people the value of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a list of pet names for Cap’n so long that it could fill a phone book (if the phone book… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bio I never got around to using: Jarod is a best-selling author reader. He has given speeches in over .5 countries, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If this book looks like it took me 15 minutes to put together, that’s because it did! 30 seconds to write it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My brakes sound like my horn, and my car’s bumper is bumpy enough to be brail. My ideal reader would be a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This book does not exist. And if that doesn’t deter you from buying it, then I’m also selling frozen alien flesh, a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You could say my book is the best book ever (or worst book ever), and it wouldn’t make it any better (or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Wooden scrabble letters offer a whole forest of literature, tiled down for easy shower installment. If you limit your use to only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love in all directions, except southeast. Don’t ask me why, because I already told you where. Also, don’t ask me who,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to publish a book on toilet paper—not only about toilet paper, but actually print it on toilet paper. That way… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are only two kinds of books worth keeping: Valuable books and valuable books. The first value is monetary, and the second… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People who collect books, and categorize them by Roy G. Biv instead of alphabetically, are displaying the fact that their books aren't… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What I like most about reading is I can read in minutes what it took the author hours to write. What I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m writing a book, one letter at a time. After thirteen days, I just finished writing “Once upon a time.” Since it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A writer must be a lifelong reader to be good. And if you want to be a great writer, I’d suggest trying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A picture with one word on it is like a thousand-and-one-word piece of literature. At this rate, I should be done with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wrote half this book (the left half) while I was asleep, and I wrote the other half (the top half) while… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
