“The headline read, Man Saves Child From Burning House, and I just have to ask: Why did that kid want to burn… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rather than change the content of my book, I changed the font. I think it made my book funnier.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called “Conversations.” Of course, it’s all talk at this point.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can read until you’re blue in the face, but I’d recommend writing until you’re red in the face. And ass.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t talk you out of what your heart is set on. I just hope you set it on the shelf, next… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just wrote the book of love. Well, I coauthored it with Cupid and Nicholas Sparks.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“No bears were molested in the making of this book. Well, no live bears.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People are like books. You can either read them, or you can burn them. But before I try to read you, I’ve… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to type one of my books into a free online translation website, and convert it from English to German and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called Kissing Kissinger. It won’t be about kissing, Kissinger, or even politics. It’ll be about radiator… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m working hard to edit my book, so I can get it up for sale so that nobody can rush out and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you write the book you’ve always wanted to write. That is, if you wanted to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are lots of great ideas in my book, but as a cohesive unit, my book is only held together with glue… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I saw love was in my imagination while reading a book on Thomas Jefferson. Isn’t the Constitution of the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your writing can be chosen by one publisher and hated by all readers, or it can be rejected by one publisher and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called, “Son, I’m dying,” where I visualize the day my estranged dad calls me out of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I told you that my global audience has shot up 100% in the last six months, what would you say? If… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This book does not exist. And even if it did, it wouldn’t be worth buying or reading.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won't read a book whose pages have been dog-eared, because I'm more of a cat person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Art books are filled with interesting images. And that’s cool and all, but I look more for the nudes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love, I wrote the book on it. Unfortunately, nobody would publish it, so I felt compelled to burn my manuscript.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My new book is going well. It’s practically writing itself! Actually, what I mean is I’m not writing it, my clone is.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I’m reading a 50-pound book on midgets.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For my books, I do everything short of writing my own reviews. Those I do tall.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rather than dirt, I’d rather push a wheelbarrow full of books. Dirty books.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My TV’s remote control didn’t have a source of energy, so I poured coffee in it. Now I can read any book… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I prefer physical books to eBooks, because an eBook can’t be the solution to a wobbly chair like a real book can.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m an open book—an open book I’m still writing and editing. My book is a romance novel, sort of like The Secret.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A writer edits his thoughts more thoroughly the more readers he has. You can tell I only have two readers, myself included.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Books allow you to take flight, unlike the chicken wings I stapled to my back before eating them.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One of my hobbies is reading finance and economic books—at the strip club, where I “invest” my money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My favorite smells are freshly baked bread, the pages of an old book, and they way my boss’ ass smells when he’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The judge said he was going to throw the book at me. I hoped it was an ebook in the cloud, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published before Pluto was blacklisted by planetary scientists.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hope you enjoy reading my book as much as I didn’t enjoy writing it. Just kidding! I hope you don’t enjoy… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“All books are coloring books, if you are in possession of a childlike imagination, and a box of markers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
