Awkward Silence Quotes by Alec Straub

Guys, if you keep a you-know-what in your wallet, it's only good for a month or two. So, out with the old, in with…

— Alec Straub

Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.

— Alec Straub

You know you're a redneck when your pickup breaks down and you fix it. On the front lawn.

— Alec Straub

Band director: Tromboners, remember to be in the right position. Trumpeters, finger fast and blow hard.

— Alec Straub

The dyslexic atheist says There is no dog!

— Alec Straub

If the world was run by women, it would be mostly peaceful with heated arguments every 28 days.

— Alec Straub

Wow! These [soccer] balls are sticky! [That's what she said.]

— Alec Straub

If you mess up, you learned something: don't do it again.

— Alec Straub

I aint a redneck 'cause I talk American real good!

— Alec Straub

Only you can prevent forest fires - by choosing not to have fun. Yeah, I'm a pyro.

— Alec Straub

I'm not questioning; I'm just asking.

— Alec Straub

If you get busted by a cop for growing weed in your house, just say 'I'm not selling that. It's for personal use.'

— Alec Straub

Yo mama's so fat I swerved to avoid her and ran out of gas!

— Alec Straub

Don't focus on distractions-SQUIRREL!!!

— Alec Straub

Have you seen the guy who hides from gay people at Walmart?

— Alec Straub