Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog…

“If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my…

— Jarod Kintz

As long as money talks, I got someone to talk to. Watch my dogs treat the beef like dog food.

— Lil Wayne

Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog. Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.

— Walt Kelly

I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all…

— Garry Shandling

I have a funny sense of humor. If I was a comedian and I was up on stage, people would think that's funny, because…

— Lil B

I stand by everything I said. I absolutely can defend my material, and I take issue with people who say, "It's just shock value.…

— David Cross

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does…

— Anthony Jeselnik

One night I attended a Laughing Liberally comedy show. There was one funny comedian there - Lee Camp.

— Matt Labash

It's good to be funny when you are a comedian.

— George Lindsey

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

— Jimmy Carr

I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really…

— Maya Rudolph

In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is…

— Warren Hutcherson

Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get…

— Emo Philips

I'm just funny enough as a comedian to know I'm not good enough to be a comedian.

— John Popper

I myself grew up when radio was very important. I'd come home from school and turn on the radio. There were funny comedians and…

— Kurt Vonnegut