I want more stand-up comics in prime time. It's great for every comedian. — Ralphie May Comedian Copy Share Image
Fat people are the only people you can still make fun of in this country. — Ralphie May Country Copy Share Image
I mean, comics fear sue - you know, lawsuits and stuff like that, just because they don't like to do paperwork. — Ralphie May Comic Copy Share Image
As a man seeing someone, have a decision: You can be correct or you can be glad. — Ralphie May Decision Copy Share Image
The perception of fat people in America is that they're fat, therefore they're dumb, they're lazy, and they must stink. — Ralphie May America Copy Share Image
I wouldn't want my comedy show to hurt anybody. I'm not Donald Trump. — Ralphie May Comedy Copy Share Image
I've always been Ralphie, ever since I was a kid. My grandfather was Ralph. It suits me better to be Ralphie. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
I'm blue collar, which means white trash with a job. But it also means people who take pride in what they do. — Ralphie May Blue Copy Share Image
Last Comic Standing was a great opportunity and it was a great learning experience. Even though I didn't win, I've had more… — Ralphie May Comedy Copy Share Image
Jesus was a pothead- long hair, beard, sandals, carpenter- do the math it all adds up. Living with twelve guys with no… — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
My audience has accepted me for a long time as, you know, not a fat comedian but a comedian who happens to… — Ralphie May Audience Copy Share Image
I have a lot of pride in the fact that I don't do a lot of fat material. I give people who… — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
People have been calling me names and setting me back my whole life. And with every fight it's just given me more… — Ralphie May Calling names Copy Share Image
My audience expects me to push the limits, to be politically incorrect. I do that because for me, that's the only place… — Ralphie May Audience Copy Share Image
I loved 'Celebrity Fit Club,' working out six days a week, running a mile and a half three times a week, and… — Ralphie May Celebrity Copy Share Image
I've been enjoying classes at the gym, where people look at me because I'm fat. At the end of the workout, they're… — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
In my entire life I've spent maybe three weeks with my dad under the same roof. — Ralphie May Dad Copy Share Image
You can have a poli-science degree but if you don't know people, it doesn't do you a bit of good when you're… — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
The day you don't mess with somebody, that would be exclusive rather than inclusive. I strive to be inclusive. — Ralphie May Day Copy Share Image
As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy. — Ralphie May Choice Copy Share Image
I live in a very dangerous part of Los Angeles? its called Los Angeles. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
Comedy is not about appearance; it's about rockin' a mike. Are they laughing? That's the only test. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
I want to raise awareness about evils perpetuated on American citizens by other American citizens. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
If people get their feelings hurt from jokes, then they are too delicate to be in society. — Ralphie May Comedy Copy Share Image
I think we can do better with our politicians. I think I'd make a good one, because I like people. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
I don't go to comedy clubs unless I'm working. And when I do work, I come in, I do my time and… — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
I think there's too much emphasis on making sure our corporations are OK versus making sure our people are OK. — Ralphie May Corporations Copy Share Image
Im still trying to decide if hes a punk-ass bitch, or a bitch-ass punk. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
I see the absurdity in things, and I think it's my job to point it out. — Ralphie May Absurdity Copy Share Image
I got kids now... It gives you an empathetic feeling into other cultures and stuff. — Ralphie May Children Copy Share Image
I've got a lot of charisma, plus women are forgiving and they can be charmed. — Ralphie May Charisma Copy Share Image
I may have cut it a little close, but youll have heard that already by now! — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
I got a little bit o black in me. I didnt get that big dick though...I got bad credit, aint that a… — Ralphie May Big dick Copy Share Image
We are all fingers on the same hand. We may not look alike, but we are all needed. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
There's a big difference between being racist and racially insensitive. — Ralphie May Being Copy Share Image
In L.A., fat people are mythical. We're like Big Foot. 'Oh, yeah, my cousin knows someone who's fat.' Nobody's fat in L.A. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
The iPhone rules, but it does everything but get a call, you know? I can't tell you how many times my wife… — Ralphie May Cell phone Copy Share Image
I've been called a race traitor, prejudiced about white people. It's ridiculous... I have a really, really diverse crowd. Most comedy clubs… — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
