Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it. — P. J. O'Rourke Democracy Copy Share Image
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. — P. J. O'Rourke Funny golf Copy Share Image
Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words. — P. J. O'Rourke Australia Copy Share Image
Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about. — P. J. O'Rourke Funny Copy Share Image
I don't watch much television. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I don't know where The Daily Show stand politically, do you? — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Bill Maher can be pretty good, except when he gets "important." Maher's all over the place politically. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When the government runs out of lenders, it can do something that households are forbidden to do: print money. — P. J. O'Rourke Family Copy Share Image
One nice thing about the Third World, you don't have to fasten your seat belt. (Or stop smoking. Or cut down on… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Smoking is very bad for you and should only be done because it looks so good. People who don't smoke have a… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is a fine line in the Third World between half a dozen customs officials waiting for you to offer them a… — P. J. O'Rourke Bribe Copy Share Image
The wise traveler [to Beirut] will pack shirts or blouses with ample breast pockets. Reaching inside a jacket for your passport looks… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It is a law of governance that democracies have to spend themselves dizzy. Citizens of democracies can, after all, tell their government… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their… — P. J. O'Rourke Champagne Copy Share Image
Ann Coulter to me is someone who says things that I say all the time, but I say them at three in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It doesn't matter how many televisions and computers and pieces of stereo equipment the Chinese send to us, even if they're sending… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I figured if I could put together being funny about stuff and actual events, maybe I could do something that wasn't being… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
[Wave of bestselling conservative commentators] it's kind of like reading The Power Of Positive Thinking, or any other advice or how-to book.… — P. J. O'Rourke Advice Copy Share Image
Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And -… — P. J. O'Rourke Beatnik Copy Share Image
Especially with a magazine like Lampoon, which was very dependent on newsstand sales. Our readers didn't usually occupy the same address long… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If the dollar weakens, then presumably all the things that we make in the United States - Buicks, for instance - can… — P. J. O'Rourke Buying Copy Share Image
Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer. — P. J. O'Rourke Church Copy Share Image
Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
![“The wise traveler [to Beirut] will pack shirts or blouses with ample breast pockets. Reaching inside a jacket for your passport looks too much like going for the draw and puts armed men out of countinence” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/97f/p-j-o-rourke-184_beirut_the-wise-traveler-to-beirut-will-pack-sh_2420484.png)
![“[Wave of bestselling conservative commentators] it's kind of like reading The Power Of Positive Thinking, or any other advice or how-to book. All they do is reassure people of their basic opinions, and then they can continue to act like they've always acted. I'd say it's time to move on to…” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/1c2/p-j-o-rourke-184_advice_wave-of-bestselling-conservative-comment_55176.jpg)
![“Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about its own capabilities. ... [G]overnment is wasteful of the nation's resources, immune to common sense and subject to pressure from every half-organized…” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/9b8/p-j-o-rourke-184_average_government-isn-t-a-good-way-to-solve-pro_2807755.jpg)
