If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made… — Mitch Hedberg Comedy Copy Share Image
I've not really been angling to be a comedian. I knew comics and I loved them and I loved being funny, but… — Mitch Hedberg Angling Copy Share Image
I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I… — Mitch Hedberg Anger Copy Share Image
I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
When you're doing a show on stage, and they show you a red light, that means you have 5 minutes left. At… — Mitch Hedberg Candle Copy Share Image
