“CHIEF COMPONENT The chief component in the family system is the marriage. If the marriage is healthy and functional, the family will… — John Bradshaw Family Copy Share Image
“When we are exposed without any way to protect ourselves, we feel the pain of shame. If we are continually overexposed, shame… — John Bradshaw Shame Copy Share Image
“We humans are finite, “perfectly imperfect.” Limitation is our essential nature. Grave problems result from refusing to accept our limits. Healthy shame… — John Bradshaw Guilt Copy Share Image
“With the child already shame-based, the feeling of discouragement takes over the whole personality. As the shame-based child forms her primitive conscience,… — John Bradshaw Children Copy Share Image
“Hell, in my opinion, is never finding your true self and never living your own life or knowing who you are. This… — John Bradshaw Hell Copy Share Image
Children need parents who model self-discipline rather than preach it. They learn from what their parents are actually willing to do; not… — John Bradshaw Child Copy Share Image
I try to get people thinking, to consider their pasts and presents, ultimately encouraging them and giving them the tools to embrace… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“In functional families the roles are chosen and are flexible. The members have the choice of giving up the roles. In dysfunctional… — John Bradshaw Family Copy Share Image
“What a perfectionistic system creates is a “how to get it right” behavioral script. In such a script one is taught how… — John Bradshaw Guilt Copy Share Image
“Our healthy shame is essential as the foundation of our spirituality. By reminding us of our essential limitations, our healthy shame lets… — John Bradshaw Guilt Copy Share Image
“Healthy shame is the psychological foundation of humility. It is the source of spirituality. What I discovered was that shame as a… — John Bradshaw Guilt Copy Share Image
“SHAME-BASED MARRIAGE AND PARENTAL MODELS It is obvious that a major source of toxic shame is the family system and its multigenerational… — John Bradshaw Family Copy Share Image
“In Bradshaw On: The Family, society itself is seen as a sick family system built on the rules of the poisonous pedagogy.… — John Bradshaw Addiction Copy Share Image
“I agree with John Holt that the true test of intelligence is not what you know or can regurgitate from memory on… — John Bradshaw Intelligence Copy Share Image
“Perhaps nothing so accurately characterizes dysfunctional families as denial. The denial forces members to keep believing the myths and vital lies in… — John Bradshaw Addiction Copy Share Image
“During school age, the bright, shame-based child will attempt to develop inhuman ego defenses or defending scripts, such as perfectionism, blaming, criticizing,… — John Bradshaw Character Copy Share Image
“Arnold was scapegoated from the moment he set foot in the school. He was laughed at, made fun of and ridiculed by… — John Bradshaw High school Copy Share Image
“3. The child is allowed to experience and express ordinary impulses, such as jealousy, rage, sexuality and defiance, because the parents have… — John Bradshaw Children Copy Share Image
“In the face of it, we are powerless. All recovering persons come to a turning point in their lives precipitated by the… — John Bradshaw Addiction Copy Share Image
“SOCIETY AS COMPULSIVE AND ADDICTED Our society is highly addictive. We have sixty million sexual abuse victims. Possibly seventy-five million lives are… — John Bradshaw Addiction Copy Share Image
“There is no way you can share your inner self because you are an object of contempt to yourself. When you are… — John Bradshaw Identity Copy Share Image
“Another dynamic aspect of the sexual conversion of basic needs is the pleasure of sexual orgasm itself. When one is shamed through… — John Bradshaw Communication Copy Share Image
“SHAME-BASED FAMILY RULES Each family system has several categories of rules. There are rules about celebrating and socializing, rules about touching and… — John Bradshaw Family Copy Share Image
“SHAME AS THE CORE AND FUEL OF ALL ADDICTION Neurotic shame is the root and fuel of all compulsive/addictive behaviors. My general… — John Bradshaw Addiction Copy Share Image
To be shame-bound means that whenever you feel any feeling, need or drive, you immediately feel ashamed. The dynamic core of your… — John Bradshaw Ashamed Copy Share Image
The capacity for love that makes dogs such rewarding companions has a flip-side: They find it difficult to cope without us. Since… — John Bradshaw Animal Copy Share Image
“When our instinctual life is shamed, the natural core of our life is bound up. It’s like an acorn going through excruciating… — John Bradshaw Life Copy Share Image
“The ego defense of conversion transforms developmental needs into the need for something else. This could be food, money or excessive attention.… — John Bradshaw Communication Copy Share Image
“The fantasy bond (really bondage) is the illusion that someone is there for them, someone who loves and protects them. The fantasy… — John Bradshaw Bondage Copy Share Image
“This means that shame monitors excitement and pleasure. Nature has made the sexual experience the most exciting and pleasurable of all our… — John Bradshaw Hand in hand Copy Share Image
“When our e-motions are not mirrored and named, we lose contact with one of our vital human powers. Parents who are out… — John Bradshaw Child Copy Share Image
Arrogance is a way for a person to cover up shame. After years of arrogance, the arrogant person is so out of… — John Bradshaw Arrogance Copy Share Image
“Most cat owners nowadays expect their cat to live wherever the owners choose. Perhaps not fully understanding the cat’s need to form… — John Bradshaw Cats Copy Share Image
“EMOTIONAL SHAME BINDS Our emotions are the core of our basic power. Two of the major functions they serve in our psychic… — John Bradshaw Emotion Copy Share Image
“Playing roles and acting are forms of lying. If people act like they really feel and it rocks the boat, they are… — John Bradshaw Acting Copy Share Image
The feeling of righteousness is the core mood alteration among religious addicts. Religious addiction is a massive problem in our society. It… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“PERFECTIONISM Perfectionism is a family system rule and a core culprit in creating toxic shame. We see it also in both the… — John Bradshaw Family Copy Share Image
“To be severed and alienated within oneself also creates a sense of unreality. One may have an all-pervasive sense of never quite… — John Bradshaw Authentic self Copy Share Image
“A child can only experience his feelings when there is someone there who fully accepts them, names them and supports them. Another… — John Bradshaw Abandonment Copy Share Image
“Because the exposure of self to self lies at the heart of neurotic shame, escape from the self is necessary. The escape… — John Bradshaw Authentic self Copy Share Image
